A Matter of Trust
by storeytime14
Summary: Hiya! So this is an AU (I'm not sure how many parts it's going to be but it's definitely going to be a few) where Rae and the gang don't meet until they're at university. Rae, Chloe, and Izzy are suite mates in the freshers dorms and Finn, Chop, and Archie live in a house together off campus. Please feel free to let me know what you think! Enjoy! :)
1. Chapter 1

She made it. She was finally at university. She was going to miss her mum, Karim and Jazz more than she could even begin to describe but the thought of not being woken up by Jazz jumping on her stomach at 6 in the morning sounded mighty inviting at the moment. But Rae never had to share a room with anyone before and she wasn't entirely sure how she'd be able to share one with two people. What if they were bitches like that girl gang from college? Or worse, what if they had shit taste in music? _Oh god, I don't know if I'll be able to live with listenin' to the bloody Backstreet Boys for a year. I managed to get away from the sounds of Barney for the past two years by lockin' myself away in my room but now my room is also these other girl's room. Oh, shit. Please don't suck. Please don't suck. Please don't suck… _

"Hiya! You must be Rae! I'm Izzy!" A tiny bundle of sunshine with shining ginger hair came bouncing over to Rae as soon as she opened the door.

Before she could even process the fact that her suite mate's arms were now wrapped around her shoulders, she heard "The Girl In the Dirty Shirt" coming from the boom box perched on the open windowsill.

"Uh, are you listenin' to Oasis?" Rae asked as the girl, _Izzy I think she said,_ let go.

"What? Oh, yeah. Chloe brought her boom box for us to share and I just happened to unpack this album first. Are you a fan, then?"

Rae opened her leather jacket to reveal her Oasis shirt underneath.

"Uh, yeah. You could say that." And the girls shared a laugh.

Rae thought Izzy's name suited her perfectly. Short, sweet, and spirited. In the few minutes of knowing her, Rae couldn't imagine her being unhappy about anything. Her curly red hair cascaded down her back and her sapphire eyes danced with excitement around the room as she showed Rae to the lone inhabited bed.

"Chlo just ran down to her car to grab her last bag. She should be up again soon. Is this bed okay for you?"

It was a shabby looking twin bed that sat wedged up against the wall that was closest to the in-suite bathroom. She had slept in a twin bed for the majority of her life but had recently grown accustomed to the queen bed her mom and Karim bought her a few years ago. A bed that allowed her to sprawl out all over the place, she wasn't entirely certain this bed was even long enough for her tall frame. This was definitely going to take some getting used to. _The joys of being at university. _

"Oh. Yeah. This is perfect."

Rae and Izzy sat getting to know each other while Rae was unloading her belongings. It looked as if Izzy had been there for a while since the majority of her side of the room was already unpacked.

"Are you parents here?"

"Oh, no. My baby sister is sick so my mum had to stay home with her and my step-dad just left before I came up here to get back to them. What about yours?" Rae asked as started to delicately unpack her cd collection.

"My parents left about an hour ago. They have a long drive home."

"Where abouts are you from?"

"Liverpool. You?"

"Lincolnshire."

Just then the door to their suite opened and a girl, who Rae assumed was Chloe, came bustling in with a giant duffle bag and shopping bag filled with shoes.

"Hiya! I'm Chloe," she said as she dropped her bags on the bed closest to the window.

"Rae," sticking her hand out for introduction.

"Oh, babe. We don't shake hands in this suite. We hug!" And Chloe wrapped her arms around Rae much like Izzy had done. _They're huggers here. Not my favorite thing, but it's nice all the same. _

Chloe was beautiful, there was no denying that. Her silky chestnut hair fell just below her shoulders and her tall, slender figure was the kind of body that made boys weak in the knees. _Unlike yours... Stop that, Rae! You know better. YOU are perfect. _

"This is so exciting!" Izzy chimed in, dragging Rae from her thoughts. "I've never lived with other girls before. I have two brothers so this will be like having sisters!" Chloe and Rae looked at each other and then to Izzy and the three couldn't help but laugh.

"Right," Chloe added. "Well, I have a sister, so I can tell you that it can be a lot of fun as long as we trust each other and we respect each other. Agreed?"

"Agreed!" Rae and Izzy chanted in unison.

"And since we respect each other now, I call first dibs on the bathroom in the mornin's." Chloe said with a cheeky smile.

"Oi, not so fast, missy," Rae rebutted with friendly scoff. "Why do you get first dibs?"

"Well, I'll take the longest. I just know it."

"Do you see this mane I have to deal with," Izzy giggled. "This thing alone takes about an hour."

"Alright, alright!" Chloe joked in mock defense. "We only use the bathroom to for the necessities and we continue getting ready out here in the common area. Agreed?"

"Agreed!" The other two chanted again and the three found themselves in a mess of giggles.

They spent their first night as "sisters" chatting and laughing until the wee hours of the morning. Each one of them nervous about what this year was going to bring but all anxiously waiting for it to start.

_I have a really good feeling about this place. Everything is going to be okay. _


	2. Chapter 2

October was Rae's favorite month. The last scorching traces of summer were long gone and the crisp cool breeze of fall was rolling in. She loved that the air smelt different in the fall. Everyone thought that spring smelt the cleanest of the seasons but to Rae it was fall. It was magical how the foliage changed from a lustrous green hue to a pleasant orange and red. She especially loved the way the leaves would crunch under her feet when she walked down the street. She would usually go out of her way if there was one that looked extra crunchy, like it was made just for her to step on. When she was younger, she would help her mom rake all the leaves in their backyard just to jump in the pile when they were done. She'd get a stern "Rachel Earl!" for it, but she never minded.

Fall meant warm cider and cozy sweaters that felt like a comforting hug from a friend. It meant bon fires and s'mores and pumpkin pie. It also meant Halloween, which was Rae's absolute favorite holiday, way beyond Christmas. It was the one day where you could eat all the candy you wanted and _no one _could judge you for it because they were doing the same thing. It was also the one day of the year you could be whoever you wanted. You could be a one-eyed, one-legged pirate with a hook for a hand and no one would bat an eye. Rae thrived on that as child, being able to escape her own mind for a bit to be someone else entirely. She didn't need to hide herself away behind a Halloween costume anymore but she still lived for the adventure of it.

Over the past month and a half, Rae, Chloe and Izzy really did become something like sisters. They laughed together at Rae's impression of her drama teacher. They cried together when Chloe's hairdresser decided he wanted to be Edward Scissorhands for the day (and not in the good way like Johnny Depp). And they squealed together when the boy in Izzy's "I Love Chocolate" society finally asked her on a date. Well, not so much a date as a "Come round to mine for a Halloween party me and my mates are throwin'." But still, it was a step in the right direction for the boy who it took four weeks to realize Izzy was flirting.

It was the day of the party and Rae still wasn't sure what she going as. Chloe was going as a sexy bumblebee and Izzy was going as Ariel. Rae would never be able to pull off anything like that. Not because she was afraid of looking bad, she no longer sees herself as the blob with a glob, she just doesn't want to answer "what happened to your legs?" a thousand times.

Rae told Chloe and Izzy on their first night of living together that she was in a mental hospital when she was 16 and they were gorgeous about it. They asked a lot of questions but for the first time, it didn't really bother her. She knew they were just genuinely interested in Rae's story and she loved that about them. Rae had no problem telling them but the thought of dozens of strangers asking over and over made Rae want to vomit. She needed an attractive costume that would hide her legs, but show off her girls. _They are quite large after all. Gotta show 'em off somehow. _

Rae was staring at her clothes in the closet trying to figure something out when Chloe hollered from the bathroom.

"Oi, Rae! Why don't you go as a cat?"

"Oh, that's a good idea!" Izzy piped in. "You could wear that low-cut black shirt you've wanted to wear!"

"Yeah, and we can paint your nose with make-up and give you some whiskers!" Chloe shouted.

"That's a really good idea, Chlo!" Rae agreed in excitement, reaching in the closet to grab the appropriate articles. "I can wear my black leggings under a black skirt! Oh, but I haven't got any ears…"

"Oh, babe," Chloe started as she walked out of the bathroom. "Don't worry about that. Halloween is my game. I got some ears for you."

Chloe pulled the trunk out from under her bed and opened it. Inside was an array of colored costumes, accessories, and character make-up.

"Jesus. Are you Mary Poppins or somethin'?" Rae asked in amusement rifling through the feathery boas and chunky jewelry.

"Of course not, silly," Chloe laughed. "But I did used to be in pageants so I've accumulated a lot of booty over the years."

"Yeah you have," Izzy smiled as she gave Chloe's butt a smack.

"Oi!"

Izzy had put some Spice Girls on the boom box and the girls danced and sang around their suite while they finished getting ready. _Aw, this makes me think of mum. Mental note: Call home tomorrow._

"We look fierce, girls," Chloe admired the three of them in the mirror. "Iz, your hair looks perfect. Chop won't be able to look at anything but you all night!"

"You really think so?" Izzy looked skeptically at herself in the mirror.

"Iz, you look beautiful," Rae agreed. "We all do."

_That's right, Rae. YOU look beautiful._

"Right, we should take a picture!" Izzy squeaked.

"How are we going to take it?"

"We can ask Chanel."

Chanel was one of the girls that lived in the suite across the hall. Her two suitemates, Veronica and Rebecca, were hardly ever there because they both came to university with boyfriends so Chanel spent a lot of time in the "Chraezy" suite.

Izzy knocked a rhythmic beat on Chanel's door while singing her name.

"Oh, Chanelie!"

Chanel opened the door with a smile. "My dearest Izzy, I could never get tired answering the door to that."

Chanel was the kind of beautiful that didn't have to try. So was so naturally gorgeous on the inside that it radiated on the outside. She's similar in stature to Izzy but with a bit more meat to her bones. Her long black hair was pulled into loads of tiny braids and her clear milk chocolate skin somehow always seemed to shimmer in the sunlight. Tonight she was dressed in an adorable yellow dress with a blue belt wrapped around her waist and a red bow in her hair.

"And who are you supposed to be, foxy lady?" Chloe asked taking in her appearance.

"I'm Snow Black. Obviously."

"I love it," Rae laughed. "I absolutely love it."

"What are you up to tonight, Chanelie?"

"I'm goin' to a house party up on Merle Hill with Veronica and Rebecca. What about you lot?"

"Us too! Chop's party?" Izzy asked in excitement.

"Yeah! Veronica's boyfriend lives in the house with them all. Are you getting' ready to leave, then?"

"Yeah, we were just about to head out actually," Rae explained. "We were wonderin' if you wouldn't mind taking a picture of us first, though."

"Of course!"

Izzy handed Chanel her Kodak and said, "Alright, now on the count of three say 'Halloween.' Ready, one, two, three!"

"Halloween!"

"Gorgeous."

"You want us to wait for you, love?" Chloe asked her.

"Oh, I'm alright thanks. Rebecca just rang and said they were coming to get me in about 15, so I'll just see yas there."

"Perfect! Laters!"

"Bye!"

When they reached the top of Merle Hill, the girls could hear Montell Jordan's "This Is How We Do It," clear as day, from the house second on the left.

"That must be it then, huh?" Izzy asked sheepishly.

"Aw, Iz. Are you nervous?" Chloe asked, putting an arm around her shoulder.

"A little. I really like him and I'm just nervous I might embarrass myself or somethin'."

"You'll be fine, Iz," Rae reassured her. "And if you need to get out immediately for any reason, the safety word is highlighter."

"Highlighter?" Chloe questioned.

"Yeah, no one will question you casually droppin' the word highlighter in conversation at a university party, will they?"

"Whatever you say, Rae," Chloe laughed.

Izzy took a deep breath before she knocked on the door.

"You got this, Iz!"

"Right!"

Knock. Knock.

"Oi, Chopper! Someone's at the door!" They heard someone yell.

"Why don't ya answer, ya knobhead?" Someone, presumably Chopper, shouted back.

"I don't live here!"

"Oi! You fuckin' prick."

A tall boy with shaggy hair dressed as Michelangelo, the Ninja Turtle, answered the door.

"Izzy!"

"Hiya, Chop!"

"So glad you could make it!"

"Wouldn't have missed it." She was blushing. _Well aren't you adorable, Izzy. _"These are my suitemates, Chloe."

"Hiya!"

"And Rae."

"Thanks for letting us come!" Rae smiled at Chop.

"Course! Any friend of Iz's is a friend of mine," he said as he pulled Izzy into a side hug and led them inside.

Chloe and Rae exchanged looks of amusement before they followed the lovebirds inside.

Rae had never been to a party quite like this one before. There were people huddled around a keg holding one boy (dressed as a police officer) upside down while he drank from it. _Interesting._

Off in the corner of the main room, two of the other Ninja Turtles were standing opposite of Mario and Luigi at an oblong table throwing balls into cups. _Huh?_

"Chlo," Rae whispered to her friend. "What are they playing over there?"

"Oh, that's beer pong, Rae. You and your partner throw ping pong balls in to the other teams cups. If it goes in the cup, they have to drink it."

"Sounds unsanitary."

Chloe was laughing. "Yeah, but it's actually a lot of fun. We should play a game later."

"Yeah, sure." _Yeah, no._

"Chloe!" A girl Rae recognized from one of Chloe's lectures shouted.

"Clarisse! Oh, hold on, Rae. I'll be right back."

"Take your time. I'm going to watch this game a bit more."

Rae walked over to the table just as Raphael Ninja Turtle bolted upstairs.

"Oi, Finn! Where're ya going?" The Donatello Ninja Turtle shouted after his retreating figure.

"Gotta take a leak, Archer. I'll be right back!" She heard from the top of the stairs.

"In the middle of a game?" He shouted back. "Oh, for fuck's sake."

The boy, Rae just noticed he wore glasses, looked around the room and their eyes locked.

"Hey, you… Cat girl. Come be my partner for a minute."

Rae looked around her to make sure she understood him right. "Me?"

"Yeah, come over here."

"Uh, I've never played this game before."

"Oh, it's not that hard really. Just throw the ball and if it lands in a cup, you're golden."

His crystal blue eyes bore into hers.

_Jesus. You're pretty._

"You think you got it?"

"Yeah, sure. Can't be too hard."

"Right, you shoot first then."

He handed Rae the ball and moved aside for her to take her shot. Rae brought her right hand up to eye level, closed her left eye to focus on the cup she was aiming for, took a deep breath and tossed it across the table.

**Blop.**

Right in the cup the ball went.

_Who the? What the? How the?_

"Holy fuck. You sure you never played before?" Donatello asked, amazement written all over his gorgeous face.

Rae was laughing her response. "I swear."

"You're a natural, then. I'm Archie, by the way."

"Rae." And the two shook hands.

"Well, Rae. I think I may have a new partner for the rest of the night, if you'll have me?"

_Gladly._

"Won't Raphael be mad, though?"

"Oh, whatever. The dickhead took a leak in the middle of the game. Not to mention, he hasn't made a single shot like that all night," he added, giving Rae a wink.

_Stop that now, sir, before I knock all these cups to the ground and take you on this table right here and now. _

Just then, Raphael came bounding down the stairs. He looked from Archie to Rae and back to Archie before…

"Oi, what the fuck is this? I leave for ten seconds and you replace me?"

"Sorry, Finn, but Rae here is mint. Never played the game before and sunk the ball first go at it."

Finn looked at Rae like he was mildly impressed. It was then she noticed just how attractive this boy was. His eyes were the color of warm espresso. Rae could get lost in them if she let herself. They were soulful, warm, and mysterious. A spray of light freckles sprinkled his stunning, tight jaw lined face and his eye brows looked like they had a mind of their own. Just looking at the bulge of muscles underneath his costume, Rae could tell that his body was carved in the image of Greek gods. _Bloody. Hell. Wait a minute. Did his eyes just linger on my boobs? Is he checking me out?!_

"Right," Finn blurted out, bringing Rae away from her fantasy. "Where's that boyfriend of yours? Maybe someone in your relationship won't leave me for a girl he's clearly not going to shag tonight."

Archie was laughing. _Why is he laughing? Why wouldn't Archie shag me? Did Finn say "boyfriend?" Oooooh. _

"He's probably talking someone's ear off about the reason Hitler invaded Poland."

"Jesus, you two really are perfect for each other, aren't ya?"

Archie couldn't help but grin as he nodded his head in response.

"Right, well, I'll let you two _champions _get back to your game. See ya laters, then."

As he walked past them, his shoulder brushed Rae's and a bolt of electricity went down her spine.

_What the hell was that?_

She looked over her shoulder just in time to see him looking back at her with a small smile on his face.

_Fuuuuuck. _

"Rae!" Archie was shouting, trying to get her attention. "We've got a game to finish here!"

"What? Oh, sorry."Archie smiled at her knowingly.

"Fit, isn't he?"

"Uh, sure. Yeah. Whatever."Rae could still feel the heat on her shoulder from where Finn's had touched it.

Archie was laughing. "I think you and I are going to be great friends."

Rae matched Archie's smile as they continued with their game. And then their next game. And then their _next _game. They ended up "running the table," as Archie called it, for the greater part of the night. They only called it quits when Archie's boyfriend, Barney (the police officer from before), told Archie he was ready for bed, with extra emphasis on the word _bed_.

"Right," lust riddled Archie's voice as he spoke. "Rae. It was lovely meeting you. We should grab lunch in the common sometime this week!"

"Absolutely! I'd love that."

"Cool. Laters!"

"Bye!" And the two were off like a light up the stairs.

Periodically throughout the night, Rae would catch Finn looking at her. Whenever he got caught, he'd look away with a bashful smirk on his face.

_You're an interesting person, Finn. Very interesting indeed._


	3. Chapter 3

It was the Friday after the Halloween party and Rae had hung out with Archie three times and had seen Finn a total of none. She had only spoken with him for a few minutes but she was intrigued by him, like a moth to a flame. She knows she would be safer staying away but she just _needs_ to know more about him. He's been in her dreams every night since the night they met and sometimes she even daydreams that's he's following her around campus or coming up to her in the union while she's eating.

Like right now, she's envisioning him walking over to her as if he's moving in slow motion. He fidgets with his hair to get it just where he wants it and the two buttons of his dangerously tight black shirt are unbuttoned to show his delicious clavicle. His leather shoulder bag, sitting perfectly on that clavicle, is hung loosely around his body and he has a brown bagged lunch in his hands. But she knows it's just a mirage, like a puddle of water to a person in the desert. You see it from afar and it looks so good and you get so close you can almost touch it and then you reach out and realize it was never there to begin.

Except not this mirage. This mirage was standing in front of her and his pretty mouth was moving, forming words in her directions.

_Jesus. Was I staring?!_

"You're Rae, right? From the Halloween party?"

"Oh. Right, yeah. Finn, isn't it?"

_Good. Way to play it cool. _

She put down the book she'd been reading for her Victorian Literature class and asked if he wanted to join.

"If you don't mind?"

_I wouldn't mind if you sat on me. In fact, I'm sure I'd quite like it. _

"Not at all."

"Whatcha readin' there?"

"Oh," Rae picked up the book she just put down and showed Finn the front cover.

"The Turn of the Screw," Finn read back. "Any good?"

"Actually, no. It's literally quite shit really." Rae sighed to which Finn laughed.

_I could listen to the sound of your laughter forever. Calm down, Rae. Calm down. _

"Why're ya readin' it then?"

"It's for my Victorian Lit lecture."

"Oh, Victorian Lit, huh? Beer pong champion and brilliant. Good combo." He added, flashing Rae his most charming smile.

_Is he... Is he flirting? _

"Yeah, gotta keep the boys interested somehow."

_Where is this coming from?_

"I'm sure you do just fine," he smiled again.

_Good lord. You're in unchartered waters. Change the subject. Change the subject! _

"So why Raphael, then?

_Huh?_

"Huh?" Finn's extraordinary eyebrows were furrowed in confusion.

"Your, uh, your Halloween costume."

_Jesus, Rae. The boy just said you were brilliant and now you just look totally brain dead. _

It took Finn a second to realize what she was asking and then it hit him, "Oh! Well we kind of did it based on personality I guess. Chop's the funny one, so he was Michelangelo. Arch is the brainy one, so he was Donatello. And then it was between me and Peter for Raphael and Leo. And I, uh, I guess I'm the more brawny one so I ended up as Raphael and Peter was kind of left with Leonardo."

"'Brawny one?' Is that like saying you're the fittest?" The words left Rae's mouth before they went through her filter that told her not to say things. She didn't need to look in a mirror to know she was flaming red, she could feel it.

_What. Is. Wrong. With. You. _

Finn was full body laughing by that point. "I guess so, yeah."

_Good thing he has a good sense of humor or else he'd be running for the door. You were gawking at him as he walked up and you basically just told him he was the hottest Ninja Turtle. Just don't pull anything like that again._

Rae awkwardly cleared her throat before she started speaking again but Finn beat her to it.

"Archie told me you guys have been hanging out a lot but he didn't tell me how you got to our party. You guys weren't mates before, right?"

"Oh, no. My suite mate, Izzy, is kind of datin' Chop, I guess, and I came with her and my other suite mate-"

"Chloe, right?" Finn asked, adding the pieces together.

_How does he know Chloe? Oh, shit. He doesn't fancy her, does he? Well why wouldn't he? She's beautiful. But, wait, I didn't see him talking to her so... _

"Chloe, yeah. Do you know her?" Rae asked, holding her breath waiting for the answer.

"Me? Not really, no, but now that you mention Izzy, I've heard Chop talk about you lot. Plus, Chloe hooked up with my mate durin' Freshers Week."

_Phew. _

"Was it too much tongue guy or stupid hair guy?"

Finn was full body laughing again and that made Rae's heart soar.

"His hair is kind of stupid, so I'm gunna go with stupid hair guy."

"Good. Cause if it was too much tongue guy, I would tell you that you have to chat with your mate about the proper etiquette of appropriate amounts of slobber."

Finn almost choked on his sandwich.

"You're funny."

"I know."

"And cocky. Geez."

"What?" Rae smiled at him with _her_ most charming smile. "I was just agreein' with you."

"A huh, sure." He gave her a smile and a sarcastic "OK" sign his with his hand, which made them both laugh.

Rae was having so much fun laughing and joking with Finn she didn't even realize what time it was until she looked at her watch.

"Oh, shit. I better go or I'm gunna be late for my next lecture." Finn checked his watch and had the same reaction.

"Where's your lecture?" He asked tossing his waste in the basket and throwing his bag over his shoulder. Which Rae caught herself staring at again.

_Bloody hell, Rae. It's just a collarbone. You have one, too, ya know?_

"Building 10," Rae responded, putting her book back in her bag. It was her Victorian Lit lecture she was going to but she would much rather stay here and chat with Finn some more than talk about how creepy this book is.

"Mine's in building 9. We can walk together." He said as more of a question than a statement.

_He wants to walk with me to class after just spending an hour eating with me? After I made a fool of myself about a thousand times? Whatcha after, Finn?_

They left the union together and set off in the direction of buildings 9 and 10.

"What lecture are you going to?" Rae asked, trying not to notice all the nasty glares she was getting from the women passerby for walking with Finn.

"Social psychology. It's my favorite lecture this quarter. It's really interesting to learn how people behave certain ways in certain situations."

_Oh. Shit. He observes people. I wonder if he noticed how awkward and uncomfortable I was during lunch. Of course he did, Rae. A blind man could have seen that._

"So you like to observe people, then?" Rae pressed, trying to see if he'd mention her awkwardness.

"Absolutely. People think I'm a bit of a grumpy sod cause I'm so quiet, but it's really just cause I'm always watchin'. I don't feel it necessary to speak all the time if I don't have to. And there's few people I actually _like_ talking to." He added with a sinfully gorgeous smile to Rae.

_Swoon. _

Rae wondered if he noticed how girls looked at him when he walks by if he's so observant, because if he did, he paid no mind to it. On their 8 minute walk from the union to their respective buddings, Rae counted 15 girls that stared at him when he walked by and he looked at no one but her.

"Well, this is me," Finn said as he pointed his thumb to the building behind him.

"Right and that's me," Rae said, motioning towards her building.

"So do you have this same break every day?"

"Pretty much, yeah."

"We should do this again. It was fun."

_Oh. My. God. _

"Right, yeah. That'd be cool."

"Cool. Laters, then!" Finn said as he made his way towards the building.

"See ya!"

Rae had started to walk into the building when she heard Finn shout after her.

"Oi, Rae!"

Rae turned around to see Finn jogging towards her effortlessly, his hair bouncing off his forehead and leg muscles contracting as his feet hit the pavement.

_Jesus. He's like looking at porn. _

"We're going to the zoo tomorrow. I think Chop's gunna invite Izzy, if you wanted to come? Archie said he was gunna ring you about it later, but I got to ya first." A sly smile danced across his lips as his warm chocolate eyes sparkled.

"Definitely! Count me in." Rae smiled at him.

"Brilliant. I'll see ya tomorrow, then!"

"Tomorrow." Finn gave her one more smile before he was running off again.

_Damn. That boy has a nice ass. _

Rae was so happy and her head was so high in the clouds that she didn't even mind that she was going to this stupid lecture to talk about creepy children seeing creepy ghosts at their creepy manor. All her mind would allow her to think about were three things: Finn. Zoo. Tomorrow.


	4. Chapter 4

Rae woke Saturday morning after a restless night filled with anxiety ridden dreams. It was like a never ending movie of children mistaking her for an escaped elephant or of her going in for a kiss with Finn that he didn't want so he pushed her in the koi pond outside the giraffe exhibit. It was a rough night.

Rae knew it wasn't a date. Even if she had allowed herself to think it was for a few minutes, Archie put it out her mind when he called to talk to her about it and told her to invite Chloe.

_It's just a gang of friends going to the zoo, nothing romantic. Well besides all the bloody couples going. Izzy and Chop. Archie and Barney. Veronica and Peter. Ugh. _

The clock on her night stand flashed mutinously bright in the dark room showing Rae it was 7:58 in the morning and she could hear the peaceful sounds of slumber coming from the masses that were Chloe and Izzy. Rae couldn't stand to be in bed any longer so she got up, put on some trainers, and went for a walk.

It was a brisk November morning. The dew on the grass was frozen at the tips and Rae's breath was coming out in little puffs of fog.

_Why are you so nervous? Chloe's going. So if you get a bit embarrassed you'll have her there for support. Though, why would you be embarrassed? You spent over an hour with him yesterday, by yourself, and you were fine. Granted, you did gawk at him like _he _was an animal in the zoo, but you were witty and funny and he _liked _it. He basically said he liked talking to you. So what if you'll just be friends? He seems like an excellent friend. He listens, he observes, he's funny. Not to mention, he's not a bad looking friend to have. So calm down! _

Rae hadn't always been able to talk herself down from stuff like this. Two years ago, she would have had a panic attack at the thought of going to the zoo with fit boys, nervous that they were bringing her there as a joke to leave her for the trainers to take care of.

Her twat of a boyfriend in college, Liam, was a terrible support system for her. He actually made a joke of her going to live at the zoo one time when they were out together. Kester would always tell her she needed to leave him, that he wasn't good for her recovery, but she couldn't. He was the only boy who ever showed any interest in her, even if it was not always in the greatest way.

But the friends she's met so far at university far outshine Liam, even on his best days. They genuinely enjoy having her around and they make her feel safe. And just thinking about them and how much she was going to have them today, let her finally enjoy her walk.

She walked around the campus and some of the surrounding neighborhoods, all the way to the bottom of Merle Hill.

_Well now you're just being creepy. Turn around. Now!_

When she turned around she almost walked right in to a jogging Archie.

"Rae! What are you doin' here?" He asked as he leaned in to kiss her check.

"Oh, I was just out for a walk. You know, clearing my mind and exercising and all that." She said pretending to stretch.

Archie chuckled at her. "Well it's lovely to see yas. I was gunna ring you in a bit to see when you three wanted to come over so we can figure out rides. Veronica and her suite mate, Chanel I think, are coming round about 10."

_Oh, Chanel is going, too. Wait, why am I not more pleased about this?_

White-hot rage boiled in the pit of Rae's stomach and she had no idea where it came from, and then her mind flashed back to the night of the Halloween party.

_Oh, right. She was visibly eye-fucking Finn all night. Bitch. _

_Rachel! Earl! Chanel is your friend. Stop that now. _

"Ten sounds perfect. I'll get back and let Chloe and Izzy know to be ready."

"Brilliant. See you in a few!"

And he was off running up the hill.

"See ya!" She shouted back to him. He turned around and did a little wave.

Rae made it back to the suite just as Chloe and Izzy were starting to stir.

"Mornin'," Chloe croaked, her voice hoarse from hours of nonuse.

"What time is it?" Izzy asked, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

"S'bout 8:45." Rae answered, looking at her watch.

"Why are we awake?" Chloe questioned, falling back into her pillows.

"Well, it's a good thing you're up. I've just seen Archie and he says we're to be at theirs around 10. So up and at 'em, ladies!" Rae playfully patted their butts through their duvets.

The next 45 minutes played out like any other typical Chraezy morning. Salt-n-Pepa blared from the boom box, yawns were stifled, and even though there were no "dibs" on who got to shower first, Rae and Izzy willingly let Chloe have it because she really did take forever and if she didn't go first they'd be late for everything.

They took turns standing in front of the mirror, checking to see if their outfits matched and if they would be suitable for a day at the zoo. Rae was extra anxious about her outfit. It needed to be the perfect combination of girly and comfortable.

"Ugh!" She yelled in frustration after a few minutes of holding clothes up to her body in front of the mirror. "This is ridiculous! I have nothing to wear!"

"Why are you so fidgety this mornin', Rae?" Izzy asked, concern written all over her pale face.

"Oh my god!" Chloe exclaimed. "You fancy him, don't you?!" She said with a perceptive grin.

"What? Who? Noooo…" Rae responded unconvincingly.

"Oh, yes you do!" Chloe said excitedly. "This is so exciting! I'm going to observe how he acts around you to see if he likes you, too. This is brilliant!"

_Shit. _

"Oh, Chloe," Rae pleaded. "Please don't. I'm awkward enough around him, if you're watching I'll only be worse. Promise me you won't. Please."

"Oh, alright. I promise." Chloe said as she crossed her fingers in an X pattern across her heart.

Little did Rae know that Chloe had her fingers were crossed behind her back. Of course Chloe was going to observe. The stolen glances between the two at the Halloween party were not lost to her, even if they were to each other. Finn was fit and she wants to know if he likes her friend or not. Rae deserved a good guy and as far as she could tell, Finn was one of the good guys.

Rae finally decided on an outfit (jean skirt over black leggings, blue flannel shirt under her leather jacket) and the girls set off to Merle Hill.

Everyone was standing outside the house by the cars as they were the last to arrive. Izzy and Chop started sucking face as soon as she walked up and Archie gave Rae a kiss on the cheek. But the only thing Rae could pay attention to was the fact that Chanel was standing dreadfully close to Finn, hitting his glorious bicep muscle as she laughed at what he was saying.

_It's probably really stupid. Stop being so transparently keen, Chanel! _

_Jesus, Rae. You need to cut that out if you plan on making it through this day without becoming a total bitch. _

"Now that everyone is here," Archie started. "We can sort out the rides. I think two cars should be enough for the 10 of us. Barney, Chloe, Rae, Finn, and I can get in my car. And Peter, Veronica, Izzy, Chop, and Chanel can go in Peter's car. Yeah?"

Everyone seemed to be in agreement about the rides but that didn't stop Rae's eyes from stealthily drifting over to Chanel just in time to see her face drop slightly at the thought of not riding in the same car as Finn.

_Haha. Sucker. _

_Raaaae. _

Rae had never laughed so hard in her life than she did on the hour long car ride to the zoo with Barney, Archie, Chloe, and Finn. Archie and Finn had the car in stitches when they shared their riotously funny stories of growing up together and wreaking havoc all over Manchester.

"Yeah, me and that knobhead back there spent most of our days blowin' shit up and drinkin' behind the school," Archie smiled affectionately back at Finn.

"It's a wonder we made it to university in the first place," Finn added, matching Archie's beam.

"And now he just knows too much for me to ever let him go."

"Archer, you couldn't get rid of me if you tried," Finn said, reaching over the back of Archie's seat to tousle his hair.

"Oi, I'm drivin' here!"

"Yeah, and the only one who gets to run their fingers through his hair is me, Finnley," Barney quipped, fixing Archie's hair.

"My apologies, Barnaby," Finn added, tousling his hair in return.

"Oi!" Barney laughed as he turned around to play hit Finn.

_If I still kept my diary, this would indeed be a Dear Diary moment. Finn is sitting so close to me in the backseat that I'm practically sitting in his lap. And let me tell you, he's smells glorious. It's a faint mix of tobacco and CK1. And more times than I can even being to comment on, he's looked over at me and smiled or bumped my shoulder to get my attention. I keep catching Chloe look at us out of the corner of her and little knowing smiles flash across her face. I knew she was going to be watching us. Maybe I wouldn't mind hearing what she observed… _

We got the zoo a little after 11 a.m. and it was the quintessential fall day. The sun was shining, high sky, making it feel warmer than it actually was and the leaves glowed golden under the brazen blue sky. Rae took a deep breath and felt nothing but sublime contentment. That was until they made their way to the zoo entrance and Chanel somehow managed to snake her way in between Finn and Rae and looped her arm through his.

"I'm so excited to see the giraffes," She said. An overeager smile plastered on her face.

"Yeah, me too," Finn mumbled as he unhooked his arm from hers and went to walk with Chop and Izzy.

For the second time today Rae saw sorrow fall on Chanel's face and she felt boundless shame for her thoughts from before. She knew what it was like to be so desperately into somebody and for them to not reciprocate those feelings. She hated seeing her friend like this, even if her friend was trying to vie for the object of her affection's attention.

"I'm excited for the giraffes, too," Rae said as she caught up to Chanel and looped their arms together.

Chanel's weak attempt at a smile was not lost on Rae.

"Pay no mind to him," Rae said, pointing up to Finn. "He just takes a while to get used to. He's a bit of a dickhead."

Chanel snorted a real laugh and smiled up at Rae. "Thanks, Rae. It's just hard, ya know? To have feelings for someone who clearly has no interest in ya."

They both looked up to Finn just as he was jumping on Chop's back. Rae sighed.

_Boy, do I. _

"Can I give you some advice?" Rae asked, wondering how much she was going to regret this decision in the future.

"Yes!"

"Just, don't try so hard with him. He's an observer. Let him come to you."

"I'll keep that in mind. Thanks, Rae! You're such a good friend." She reached up to kiss Rae's cheek and then followed Peter and Veronica to the kangaroo exhibit.

_Yep, that's me. Good __**friend**__ Rae. _

Four hours had come and gone in a blink of eye. Rae was really enjoying spending time with and getting to know the uniquely wonderful individuals. And everyone was having such a good time that they didn't even notice the two twats that had been following them around for the greater part of an hour.

They reached the primate exhibit when Peter suddenly became very serious. "Do you guys want to hear something awesome?" He asked his posh Central London accent ringing through the air.

"Is it inappropriate?" Veronica questioned as if she already knew the answer to the question.

"Actually, no," Peter rebutted. "It's genuinely awesome."

"Well, let's see it then," Barney asked, slipping his arm around Archie's waist.

"Okay, watch it," Peter said as he inhaled deeply. "WHO WHO WHO AAH AAH AAH!" And all the apes in the exhibit turned to look at him.

"Where the fuck did that come from?" Finn asked, amazed.

"I don't know, it's just something that I've always been able to do," Peter responded with a smile.

"Aw, my monkey man," Veronica grinned.

"That's fuckin' disgustin'," one of the twats no one noticed suddenly shouted at them.

Rae turned to see two boys, roughly their age, standing about 10 feet from them wearing saggy pants and backward baseball caps hiding oily, tangled hair. The taller of two was wearing a dirty tie-dyed shirt with a marijuana leaf imprinted on it. The dumpier one was wearing a brown shirt that looked like it was once white.

_Jesus. They look like they need a shower. And a laundry mat. _

"Hey, mate," Peter retorted timidly. "It wasn't _that _bad."

"Not your stupid fuckin' monkey call, ya cunt," the shorter of the two responded. "That's fuckin' disgustin'." He added pointing to what so viciously repulsed them. Every set of eyes followed his finger to Archie and Barney.

"You got a fuckin' problem, man?" Finn asked, his hands involuntarily clenching and his face turning red.

"Yeah, I got a big fuckin' problem," the marijuana lover said.

"We came to see animals, not fairies," the extra dirty one added.

"Listen, _mate_," Peter said through clenched teeth. "You don't want to do this, alright? We've done nothing to warrant your narrow-minded, bigoted behavior, so kindly piss off."

"Oh, whatcha gunna do, asshole? Use your monkey call again to summon your mummy over there?" The taller mocked.

"This is a big zoo, guys," Chop chimed in. "Go be mind-numbing twats somewhere else."

Rae couldn't believe what was happening. For the first time in her life she was verbally paralyzed. She couldn't think of anything to say to fend these assholes off. She looked at Archie and Barney and her heart broke into millions of microscopic pieces. They were no longer touching. They couldn't even look at each other.

"You poor fuckers couldn't bag any of these broads so you decided to fuck each other?" The taller one was going for it again. He seemed to be the main instigator of the two. "You couldn't even get the fat one there?" He said, pointing to Rae.

Rae's breath hitched in her throat and her mind started spiraling back to a very dark place.

_No. No. NO. You're perfect. You. Are. Perfect. _

It all happened so fast that Rae wasn't exactly sure how it started. Finn, Chop, and Peter were no longer standing next to them but were instead ramming their fists into whatever part of the twatish duo they could.

It was horrible to watch but the girls could do nothing. Their breathless pleas to stop went unheard as the boys could hear only the sound of their rage ringing in their ears and of their fists hitting flesh and breaking bones.

Chop got a good shot to the taller boy's face and broke his nose before a security guard finally came running over to them, breaking them up.

"Out!" He shouted at the boys. "All of you!"

"Fuckin' pricks. You all go be dirty fags together," the shorter boy snarled at them to which Peter had to physically restrain Finn this time for fear of him murdering them.

Finn's breath was coming out in ragged pants as he made sure Barney was okay and then he turned to Archie.

"Where's Archie?" He shouted as worry consumed him.

"He was just here," Barney responded, turning in circles as if Archie was playing a game and was hiding behind him.

_Oh, no. _

"Archie! Archie!" Everyone started shouting.

"I told you boys to get out!" The security guard was back.

"But we lost our friend," Peter tried to reason with him.

"I don't care. You three need to vacate these grounds immediately before I ring the police to come and get you." He snapped back to Peter.

"Right, you lot search for Archer in here," Finn formulated a plan. "Maybe he went back to the cars. If you haven't found him in 15 minutes, come meet us in the car park and we'll figure somethin' else out."

Rae knew it was not the appropriate time to think about this, what with her friends being physically and verbally assaulted, but Finn looked mighty fine when he was angry and sweaty.

"Find him," he looked her square in the eyes and nodded as if he trusted her more than the others to be the one to find him.

"I will," she said with more resolve than she actually had.

_I mean, how far could he have gone? The zoo is big but it's not that big. They were bound to find him. But what if he did go to the car park and the twats found him first. _

The thought made Rae feel sick. She'd find him. She knew she would.

Even though she'd really only been friends with Archie for a week or so, she felt like she actually knew him pretty well. She thought back to all their hours' long conversations and wonder if he had given any clue to where he would go if he felt attacked.

_No, the boy only really talks about history. And Barney. He loved Barney. Even said Barney was his lobster, just like Rachel was Ross'. Lobsters… Hmmm… Does this zoo have lobsters? No, Rae. What zoo has lobsters? But what other animals typically mate for life? Think, Rae, think!_

"Otters."

Rae tore off in what she hoped was the direction of the Sea Otter house. When she made it to the door of the otter house, her skipped a beat. One because she just sprinted half the distance of the zoo and two because she could make out Archie's profile just inside the door, looking into the water, his crystal blue eyes, made even more clear from his tears, were following the swimming otters.

"Archie," Rae sighed as she walked up to him. "We've been looking for you everywhere!"

"Did you know that otters hold hands when they sleep so they don't drift away from their mates?"

"Archie…"

"Also, when they're mating, the males tend to bite the nose of the female, often scarring them."

"Why are you telling me this, Archie?" Rae asked.

He turned to her so abruptly that he almost knocked her over.

"Because the way I love leaves scars, too!" he shouted towards Rae, but not at Rae. "They haven't been physical yet but they could be one day and who knows when that one day will be. What if it was just Barney and I here today, huh? Could we have been able to fend them off? I wish I was as strong as Finn and Peter and Chop but I'm not. The emotional scars hurt to, ya know? God, do they hurt. Do you have _any _idea what that feels like? Constantly being berated for who you are as person and for who you love? It's nauseatin'. It's infuriatin'. It's… It's heartbreakin'. It just takes the air right out of your lungs and you're drownin' and you have no way to escape." And then he slumped to the ground in a mess of tears and broken sobs.

Rae fell down with him and cradled him in her arms, lighting stroking his hair as she rocked him back and forth. "Shh. It's okay, Archie. It's going to be okay. You're perfect. You are perfect."

Rae didn't know how long they sat there but bollocks to Finn's 15 minutes. She wasn't going to rush Archie when he was in an emotional state. If any knew what it meant to work through your own shit, it was her.

"Rae?" Archie croaked out after a few minutes.

"Yeah, Arch?"

"Do you believe in destiny?"

"I don't know, really. Why?"

"Cause I think I was destined to meet you. I really do."

"Well, if that's how destiny works, then I'm right there with you," she said with a warm grin.

She stood up and reached her hand out to help him up. When he stood, he brought in her for a warm hug.

"Thanks," he said into her neck.

"Course, mate."

The two walked out of the zoo hand in hand. When they reached the car park, Barney came sprinting over to them.

He wrapped his arms around Archie's shoulders and started crying into his neck. "I was so worried about you," he managed to get out through his tears.

"I know. I'm so sorry I ran off like that. I'm sorry I'm still not brave enough to face twats like that," Archie responded, his own tears falling again.

"I love you so much."

"I love you, too." And they hugged each other tighter.

Rae left them to have their moment and walked over to where the rest of the gang was.

"Where was he?" Chop asked relieved.

"In-," Rae started but Finn cut in.

"The otter house, wasn't he?"

"How'd ya know?"

Finn did a little shrug of his shoulders as if it was obvious.

Archie and Barney were walking over to the gang, wrapped in each other's arms.

"Now," Archie started. "I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm ready to get the fuck outta here."

Everyone laughed.

"Here, here!" Peter responded with a wink to Archie and Barney.

"Finn, do ya mind-" Archie was starting ask.

"Course not mate," Finn said instinctively as Archie handed over his car keys. "And Rae can hop in the front with me, so you two can have the back. Sorry, Chlo. They'll probably be pretty lovey-dovey back there." He added with a cheeky grin.

"Aw, I don't mind as long as they let me in on some of the cuddles." Chloe teased as she threw her arms around them.

At some point during the drive back, the three backseat passengers fell asleep on top of each other. Rae looked back on her friends with some much adoration that she'd never felt for anyone besides her family.

_But this is your family now, too, Rae. _

Rae could see Finn looking at Archie in the rearview mirror. There was still so much tension in his body, but at least his face was relaxed now.

_This is the kind of man that loves, wholly and deeply. This is the kind of man who would walk to the ends of the earth to protect those that matter to him. This is the kind of man worth fighting for. _

"How's your hand?" She said after a long bout of silence.

"I'll live."

"That was mighty brave of you, Finn,"

"Yeah, well, he's more than just my best mate, Rae. He's my brother. There's nothing I wouldn't do for him."

And Rae knew he meant it. Probably more than he meant anything else.


	5. Chapter 5

"I don't know why everyone loves this bloody book so fuckin' much!" Rae exclaimed as she threw _A Tale of Two Cities _down on the table, causing a few people at nearby tables to look at her. "The first sentence is a paragraph long, Finn. A whole fuckin' paragraph."

Finn picked up the book, flipped to the first page and started to read aloud, faking an aristocratic accent for emphasis: "'It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the-,' yeah, I'm bored already. Victorian Lit?" He asked, putting the book down.

"Course. The whole next month is dedicated to Dickens. I'm mean, I'm not complainin', Dickens is brilliant, it's just, ugh, this one is so borin'! I'd rather shag a porcupine."

Finn had just taken a sip of his water and had to clamp his hand over his mouth so he didn't shower Rae with it.

"Jesus," he said as he painfully forced himself to swallow the water, shaking his head in mirth.

Rae loved making him laugh. Listening to the melodious sound of his laughter after something she's said was the best part of her day. It was their one week anniversary of lunch dates and it still amazed Rae that he waved her over to him every time she walked into the union.

"So you're comin' to the pub tonight, yeah?" Finn asked, pulling Rae away from her vision of telling their wedding guests that their courtship all started when Rae compared Finn's hotness to that of a Ninja Turtle.

"That's the plan, yeah."

"Is, uh, is Chanel goin'?"

Rae's heart fell into the pit of her stomach.

"I don't know… Why?" Rae asked forcing her voice to remain level.

"Oh, no reason, was just wonderin'." Finn didn't meet her eyes. Instead, he was looking down at his lap, picking a piece of lint off his pants.

"Do you, ahem," Rae cleared the very unwelcome frog in her throat. "Do you like her?"

Finn's eyes shot up so fast Rae was surprised they were still attached to his head.

"No!" He said a lot faster and louder than he intended. "No. It's just that, uh, I know she likes me and I get, I don't know, uncomfortable around girls when I know they like me, I guess."

_Huh? Like… Just… HUH?_

"What do you mean?"

Finn was quiet for a few seconds, really thinking about what he was trying to say.

"I feel like I can really trust ya, Rae. And I feel like I can really talk to ya about things… And it's just that I'm really insecure about a lot of things, ya know? If I'm funny enough or if I'm smart enough or if I'm good lookin' enough to deserve those feelin's from a girl. So then I start second guessin' everythin' I do and I just become on edge about everythin' and I hate it. And there's nothin' wrong with the girl, it's not like she's doin' anythin' to make feel that way. It's just all in my head."

_I, I just, how do I process this? The beautiful man sitting in front of me, this altogether gorgeous human being doesn't believe he's worthy enough for the affections of a woman. _

"Trust me, Finn. I know what it's like to feel like you're not worth anyone's time but I promise you, you are. Any girl would be lucky to have a bloke like you." _Like. Me. Pick me! Pick me! _"You are funny enough and you are smart enough, you just have to start believin' you are."

Finn was looking at the table when she finished speaking, a modest smile on his face. "Thanks, _Doctor _Rae."

"Any time, mate."

It killed her to call him mate when she wanted to be so much more than that but it was obvious that's all Finn saw her as, though, if he felt so comfortable around her.

"Ugh, it's that time, again." Finn looked at his watch with a frown. "Can we just ditch today? It's Friday, let's blow it off and go bowlin'!"

"You know I'd love to but I don't think that's such a good idea… For you."

"Oh, is that so?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty epically awesome at bowlin'."

"Oh, there's that cockiness I've come to love." His grin spread across his face and up to his deep, coffee colored eyes.

_Ugh. Don't say it if you don't mean it, Finn. _

Rae could barely keep focus during her lecture. And what little of the tedious, pretentious _A Tale of Two Cities_ lecture she did manage to concentrate on left her brain feeling like Victorian mush.

"_Well I think Charles meant this –" _

"_You could not be more wrong, Charles totally meant this-" _

_You didn't bloody know him! And stop fuckin' callin' him Charles, you egotistical asshats. _

Rae's mind was so all over the place that she didn't even realize she was back at her suite until she was turning her key in the locked door. When the door swung open, she was greeted by a departing Chloe and Izzy.

"Hiya!" Izzy beamed. "We're just headed to the market. Wanna come?"

"No, thanks," Rae answered. "I'm gunna ring home, haven't talked to my mum all week."

"Want us to grab anythin' for ya, sweets?" Chloe asked.

"Uh," Rae thought about the groceries she might need. "Nah, I think I'm good, thanks."

"Okay. Laters!" And they were off.

Rae dropped her book bag on the floor, picked up the cordless phone that came as part of their suite and rang home.

"Hello?" Karim's deep voice boomed through the receiver after three rings.

"Hi, Karim!"

"My Rae!" Rae could hear his smile through the phone. "How are you? Classes is good?"

"Yeah, they're great. I'm really enjoyin' 'em." _Well, not __**all**__ of them. _

"Good, good. You come home soon?"

"Probably not until Christmas, I'm afraid. None of my friends live near Stamford."

"We come to you?"

"Oh, yes! I'd love that! Could you do that?" Rae practically squealed through the phone with her excitement.

"Your mum, I have to ask."

"Right, of course. Is she there?"

"Yes, I go get her."

"Bye, Karim!"

"Goodbye, my Rae."

Rae loved that he called her "My Rae." He started her calling that after Jazz was born. He wanted Rae to know that he loved her just as much as he loved Jazz, which she already knew. Over the past two and half years, Karim became the kind of dad Rae wished for her entire life. On the day her mom and Karim got married, her mom said to her, "I know he'll never be your proper dad," but that's exactly what he was. He was the kind of dad that was protective of her when it came to boys (let the record show that Karim detested every fiber of Liam's being). The kind of dad that taught her about football, so she could understand what the boys at college were always banging on about. The kind of dad that would wrap his strong arms around her when she was having a particularly terrible day so she could be safe in his warm embrace. The kind of dad she wanted her future children to have. Because if Rae learned anything from Karim being in her life, it's that any man can be father; it takes someone really special to be a dad.

"Hewwo?" The tiniest, sweetest voice Rae had ever heard came over the phone.

"Jazzy?"

"Wae-Wae!" Rae could hear two small feet jumping up and down on the linoleum floor of their kitchen. "Wae-Wae, I got a booboo."

"Oh, no! What happened?"

"I fell."

"You fell? Does it hurt?"

"No. It okay. Mummy! It's Wae! It's Wae!" Rae could hear her mother's voice in the background, asking Jazz if she could speak to her.

"Bye, Wae-Wae!"

"Bye, Jazzy!"

"Hello, my duck."

"Hey, mum."

"How is everything? Do you need us to send you more money, or are you okay?"

"I'm okay, thanks. That's not why I called."

"I know. But a mother just has to make sure."

Rae was silent for a few beats before her mother spoke again.

"Is everything okay, Rae?"

"Oh, yeah. It's nothin'. It's stupid."

"Nothing is ever stupid, Rae. Out with it."

"It's just… Ugh… I really fancy this boy and we've become really close but I know that he just sees me as his mate, and that's fine, it's just, I don't know what to do."

"Well how do you know he just sees you as a mate?"

"He just really opened up to me and told me he can't talk to girls that fancy him. Meanin', he only sees me as a mate because he can talk to me about stuff."

"Did you ever think that he feels like he can talk to you because he thinks you only see him as a mate?"

"I guess I never thought of it like that–"

"Jasmine Bouchtat! Do not touch that! Sorry, love. What were you saying?"

"What do you think I should do?"

"Talk to him. He clearly trusts you enough to open up to, so be honest with him. That's all you can do."

**CRASH. BANG. BOOM. CRIES. **

"Jasmine! I told you not to touch that! I'm so sorry, Rae. I have to go. I love you, chuck!"

"Love you, too!"

Click.

Rae fell back on her single bed and thought about what her mom said.

_Mum's right. Lying never got you anywhere in the past except into a giant, gaping hole of shit. What if you do tell him and he starts acting all insecure around you and you lose this amazing friendship you're starting to build? Is it really worth it? You're not necessarily lying to Finn, you're just not telling him the whole truth. There's a difference. But what if – _

**Knock. Knock. **

Rae clambers off her bed to see who's at the door.

"Hey, Chanel."

"Hiya, Rae! Is Chloe here? She was gunna let me borrow a shirt for tonight."

"What's tonight?" _Please don't say the pub. Please don't say the pub. _

"Aren't we all goin' to the pub?" She said with a tone of worry that she got the information wrong.

_Dammit. _

"Oh, right," Rae pretended to smack her forehead. "Sorry, my last lecture was a bit rough. Brain's a little screwy. Sorry though, love. Chloe and Izzy ran to the market about thirty minutes ago. They should be back soon."

"I'll come back later, then. Thanks, Rae!"

"Yep, bye."

Rae decided it was time for a long, hot shower to wash away all these feelings that were infecting her brain.

_What is wrong with you today? Chanel has done nothing to deserve these downright mean feelings you've been having towards her lately. I thought you learned your lesson at the zoo? So she likes the same boy as you! Big deal, Rae! You're the one he's actually comfortable talking to you. He enjoys spending time with you. You make him laugh__**. **__Chanel is just trying to figure out where she fits in with him. What if the roles were reversed? How would you feel if Chanel knew __**you **__liked Finn and she thought negatively of you for it? Huh? You'd hate it and you know it. Not to bloody mention, you KNOW Finn doesn't fancy her. He told you. To. Your. Face. So you better knock this off before you start destroying friendships. It's. Not. Worth. It. _

It's about a quarter to 10 when the girls finally make it to Lynch's Pub. As soon as the pub doors open, a thick blanket of humid cigarette smoke, sweat, and booze smacks them in the face. The music coming from the juke box is decent (Gin Blossoms) and there's a mob of bodies swaying to it in a rhythmic drunkenness that makes Rae feel high herself. It reminded of her of the very first time she was in a pub the days she came home from the hospital.

They made their way through the crowd and the smoke to their friends at the back of the bar. Finn stood up as soon as they made it the large, circular table they were sitting at.

"Right, it's my round. Rae-Rae," _Rae-Rae? _"Come give me a hand?"

Everyone started shouting their orders at Finn but Rae couldn't hear any of it.

_Rae-Rae?!_

"Rae!" Finn was waving his hand in her face to her attention.

"Oh, sorry. Yeah. Helpin'."

They got up to the bar and Finn started listing off the orders.

"What did Chop say he wanted?"

"Uhhhh…"

"Foster's. Right. A Foster's please, mate. And what about you, Rae?"

"Snakebite. No, just a Bulmers. No, a snakebite."

"You sure?" The bartender looked like he was ready to have a snake actually bite her.

"Yes, a snakebite, please."

"Alright, I'll be back in a few minutes." He said as he started pouring drinks.

"Thank god you're here, Rae. Chanel is killin' me."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothin'! She hasn't really spoken to me all night but she's wearin' this low cut shirt and keeps leanin' on the table which kind of puts them in my face." _Why is he telling me all this? I don't want to hear it, Finn! _"And, I, uh, I'm a boob guy so it's hard, ya know, _not _to look." He added, unconsciously glancing down at her own. _Did he just inadvertently tell me he liked my boobs? I mean, I've caught him looking before, but this kind of proves it, yeah?_

Rae was glad she chose to wear the shirt she did. It's her favorite light denim button down that's just a bit too tight at the chest and it makes her boobs look extra good. And although Rae was glad Finn trusted her enough to be able to talk to her about anything, she wasn't sure she was ready to listen to him going on about how turned on he was by other girls. It was bittersweet really. It made her heart melt and turn to ice all in the same instance.

The bartender was back with their drinks and two trays for them to carry them on. Rae went to pick up one of the trays and head back to the table but Finn caught her shoulder with his hand and that bolt of electricity shot up her spine again. Rae swears he felt it too, because he pulled his hand away as if he touched a hot stove.

"I, ahem, what do you think I should?" He asked.

_Well maybe not stare at her tits for starters. _

"I don't know, Finn. You know she likes you and you don't like her, so maybe talk to her? Let her know you're not really interested?"

"I dunno if I can do that, though."

"Well you asked for my advice and that's it." Rae said with a bit more malice than she really meant but she was _not _in the mood for this conversation.

"Rae is everything – Rae?" But it was too late. Rae had grabbed the tray and headed back to the table.

Rae sat the tray down on the table forcefully and some of the beer sloshed over the sides of their glasses. "Oh, sorry, guys. Slipped."

"No worries," Veronica slurred out. _Jesus, how long have they been here?_ "We were just about to start 'Never Have I Ever'."

"What's that?" Izzy asked, taking her drink from the tray Finn brought over as he sat in the only empty spot next to Rae.

He was just about to lean in to talk to her but she started speaking to the gang instead. "Yeah, what is that?"

"Well," Peter chimed in. "It's a rather crude, for lack of a better word, game where we say things we've never done and if someone has done it, they have to drink."

_These people have some weird ass games. _

"I'll start!" Chop announced. "Never have I ever gone through the 'back door,' so to speak."

Peter, Archie, and Barney all drank to which everyone laughed.

"That was cheeky, Chop." Barney said as he dribbled some beer on his chin.

"Sorry, mate."

It was Chloe's turn next. "Never have I ever… Had a sexual fantasy about someone at this table."

_Shit. Should I drink? Should I not drink? Well, no surprise Channel is drinking. Or anyone else for that matter because of course they've all had sexual fantasies about someone at this table. THEY'RE ALL IN A RELATIONSHIP. Wait… Did Finn just look over at me? Oh my god. He's DRINKING? Well, Chanel's boobs are on the table, but he looked at me. Not her. Do I drink? Do I drink?_

She drank.

"Oooh, cheeky!" Peter shrieked.

_What, no one knows it's Finn. It could be about Peter for all they knew. _

Suddenly Rae felt hot air at the base of her ear.

"Are you mad at me?" Finn's sultry voice swept over her body like a warm blanket on a cold winter's night, causing her to involuntarily shiver despite the heat of the pub.

When she turned to look at him, Finn's liquid chocolate eyes cut through hers, into her soul and rooted her to the spot where she sat. It took all she had not to kiss him right then and there, to just get it all over with, and to see where she truly sat within his heart.

"Of course not. I just – I just want you to be honest with her. It's not fair to her."

_Or me. _

"You're right. I'll talk to her."

"Good." And they shared a smile.

After about another hour of playing, and everyone getting rip-roaring drunk, Peter suggests they go back to their house to finish the night. Chloe and Chanel opt out, claiming exhaustion, so it's just the couples and Rae and Finn heading back to the house on Merle Hill.

When they get back to the house, Peter and Veronica head straight up stairs to his bedroom and are not seen for the rest of the night. Rae and Izzy are nursing ciders on the couch, watching the boys play a hilarious game of beer pong. It's Finn and Chop versus Archie and Barney and the latter are killing the former.

"Jesus, you're awful at this game, Finn!" Chop shouted at him.

"That's what I've been tellin' him for years," Archie beamed at his best mate.

"Oi! You know what? I don't wanna play anymore." Finn crossed his arms across his body like a five-year-old whose mother just took his favorite toy away.

"Fine, Iz, come be my partner." Chop shouts across the room to Izzy.

Izzy laughs as she gets up off the couch, hands Finn her cider, and goes to stand next to Chop. Finn plops himself down in the spot that Izzy just vacated and puts his head in Rae's lap.

_Mr. Nelson, you are dangerously close to my lady garden… And what do I do with my hands now?!_

Finn started tracing shapes on Rae's leg. His touch felt hot on her skin. She'd had sex with Liam plenty, but nothing with him ever felt this intimate.

_Whaaaat are you doing down there?_

Rae decided to be brave and started running her hand up and down his back.

_God, he has such nice muscles. _

Finn started giggling.

_Is he ticklish? _

"Rae, guess what I'm spellin' out."

_Nope, just a child. An adorably wonderful man-child. _

Rae felt Finn's finger through her leggings again and tried to pay attention to the letters he was forming.

R-A-E.

"Rae."

"Ding! Ding! Ding!"

His fingers were moving again.

F-I-N-N.

"Finn."

"You rang?"

"You cheeky –"

"I'm not done yet!"

"Oi…"

They were shapes now.

"A square… A star… A circle… A triangle… A –"

_Heart. _

It was the last shape Finn drew before he fell into a deep, peaceful sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

November was slowly coming to a close and the atmosphere of fall that Rae loved so much was starting to dissipate into winter. It had been exactly two weeks to the day since Finn drew the heart on Rae's leg and he still hadn't mentioned it. And if Finn wasn't going to mention it Rae sure as hell wasn't going to mention it. Nothing had changed between the two of them, he wasn't acting insecure or uncomfortable, which led Rae to believe he doesn't actually remember doing it in the first place.

_He was pretty fucked after all._

Over the course of their daily lunch dates, Rae and Finn grew almost inseparable. There wasn't a day that went by where they didn't see each other or, at the very least, talk to each other on the phone. They told each other things they've never really told anyone else before. They shared their insecurities and their hopes and their dreams. They shared new music when they heard it and they especially shared their thoughts with each other when one thought the other's opinion on music was wrong. Like now, the two were sat at their usual table in the union, having an argument over which Oasis album was the best.

"It's _Morning Glory_, Finn. End of."

"Rae! Are you daft? It's _Definitely Maybe_! 'Cigarettes & Alcohol.' 'Supersonic.' 'COLUMBIA,' RAE!"

"'Don't Look Back in Anger,' Finn. 'Cast No Shadow,' Finn. 'WONDERWALL,' FINN! I agree, _Definitely Maybe _isa sound album, but, c'mon, _Morning Glory_!" She was almost whining trying to prove her point.

"Gah, you're so annoyin', sometimes. You know that right?"

"Yeah, but just think about how borin' your life would be without me."

"It'd be a lot quieter, that's for sure."

"Quieter is just another way of sayin' borin', Finny. Sorry, mate. Just admit it. Your life would suck without me."

"Alright, fiiiine. You win! My life would be borin' without ya. Happy?"

"Very."

They were laughing at each other for a while until there was a shift and Finn got suddenly serious. Like something came over him and he couldn't hold back his thoughts anymore.

"No, but really, Rae, it would be." His eyes were searching her face like it held all the answers to his life's questions. "You know I'm not so good with talkin' but I want ya to know that I'm so glad I met ya. I was kind of just goin' along in life and then you came along and kind of turned it upside with your Rae-ness. In a good way."

_What are you trying to say, Finn?_

"Rae, I–"

"Hey, guys!" A voice Rae knew and loved but wished would disappear for about 20 seconds so Finn could finished his sentence came from behind her.

"Oh, hey, Arch." Rae could see Finn visibly start to close off whatever emotional barrier he was about to break through.

_God damnit, Archie! _

"Rae, I'm glad I found ya," He said as he sat down in the empty seat next to Finn with a toothy grin on his gorgeous face. Finn, on the other hand, wasn't smiling. In fact, he looked almost… Sad.

"What's up, Arch?" She asked, trying to distract herself from the look on Finn's face.

"Just wanted to sort out the final plans for tonight."

_Jesus, Archie. How many times have we talked about this? We have everything planned down to the second now. _

It was Chloe's birthday today and Rae and Archie had spent the past two weeks tirelessly planning a surprise party for her at the boy's house. The plan (_that we've talked about, about 98 times_) was that Chloe, Rae, Izzy, Chop, Archie, and Barney were going to Renaldi's for dinner then heading to the house on Merle Hill for a cake Archie made. Peter was going to be "sick" and Veronica was going to stay home and "take care of him," when they were really just getting the booze sorted and welcoming the guests. Rae was genuinely surprised they've been able to keep it a secret as long as they have. Even some of Chloe's friends from back home were coming.

The only member of the gang not accounted for was Chanel, but she'd been missing from most close-quartered gang related activities since Finn told her he didn't see her as anything more than a friend. Rae was actually really proud of the way Finn handled himself in that situation. He was sensitive to Chanel's feelings without being condescending and really wanted her to know he was sorry if he ever did anything to lead her on.

Chanel had come to their suite afterwards and told them everything Finn said. "He was super sweet about it, ya know?" She had said with tear filled eyes that she refused to let fall. "I honestly don't even know why I'm so upset, I knew he wasn't into me. I actually think he's really into someone else." Rae could have sworn Chanel was trying to say "It's you, Rae. He likes you," with her eyes because they lingered on hers for just a beat too long.

_You're just imaging things now, Rae. Maybe Victorian Lit is really turning your brain to mush. _

"Right. So we have dinner at 8, which will last until about 9:30 with all us, and then back to our place for 10. Yeah?" Archie confirmed, bringing Rae away from the memory.

"Yeah." Rae took a chance peak at Finn to see that he sat worrying his lower lip between his teeth, with his intense eyes focused on nothing in particular outside. When he noticed Rae looking at him, he gave her a small smile.

_What are you thinking in that head of yours?_

Archie was speaking again, pulling Rae and Finn away from yet another moment. "Brilliant. She doesn't know, right?"

_I love ya, Archie, but you have terrible timing. _

"Not a clue in the world, Arch. We've done good."

"Wonderful! Right, well we better be gettin' to class then, yeah?" All three looked at their watches.

"Ugh, do we have to?" Rae moaned.

Finn was extra quiet on their walk to class and whether it was something in his own mind or because Archie and Rae were talking about a row he and Barney just had, Rae couldn't tell.

Archie said his good-byes outside buildings 9 and 10 then cut across the quad to get to building 5. Rae and Finn were standing outside their classes with this incredibly awkward tension in the air.

_Nothing was ever awkward with us. Oh my god! Did I do something for him to realize that I'm madly in love with him? Shit. Think, Rae. What did you do? Nothing. I did nothing. He was the one that got weird… _

"Finn, is everything okay?" Rae asked a bit more self-consciously than she really wanted. 

"Oh, yeah, s'nothing. I'll see ya tonight, then, yeah?" He was still worrying his bottom lip between his teeth.

"Finn-"

"See ya!" And he tore off through the door to building 9 so fast that Rae was surprised there wasn't a Finn shaped hole in it.

_Well that was fucking weird. _

While the girls were getting ready for dinner, Rae was explaining to them what had transpired at lunch with her and Finn.

"It was weird, ya know?" Rae was explaining as she sat on the floor with Izzy putting their makeup on in the hall mirror. "He's never acted like that before."

"Maybe he was about to tell you somethin' real embarassin' and he lost his nerve?" Izzy tried to reason.

"Yeah, that could be it." Rae thought.

"Or," Chloe shouted from the bathroom, it was her birthday after all so they let her have full run of it. "He was about to tell you likes you and Archie fudged it all up. Bless his little heart."

"Chlo, how many times do I have to tell you? He doesn't see me like that. We're _just _friends."

Chloe marched herself out of the bathroom to make her point known.

"Rae. You and Finn are about as much 'just friends' as that door and that door handle." She pointed to the front door for emphasis. "You're part of each other. You play off each other better than any two people I've ever known. You have this natural, unspoken connection that people search for their whole lives. You're more than just friends. I'm tellin' ya."

"Okay, so we're more than 'just friends,' we're best friends."

"Ugh! Rae!"

"What? Boys like Finn don't look twice at girls like me in a romantic way, Chloe! We'll only ever be just friends and I'm fine with that. I am."

"What do you mean 'girls like you,' Rae?" Izzy asked confused.

Chloe knew exactly what she meant but pressed on. "Yeah, Rae. What d'ya mean?"

"You know, Chlo."

"Do I? So you mean to tell me that Finn doesn't like smart girls? Or funny girls? Or pretty girls? Or girls that have sound taste in music? Or girls that aren't afraid to tell it like it is? Is that what you mean, Rae? He doesn't like girls like that?"

"Chloe–"

"What? I'm just asking. You said Finn doesn't like girls like you and I'm just tryin' to figure out whyFinn _wouldn't_ like a girl like you? Cause in my humble opinion, I think you're pretty fuckin' awesome. Izzy?"

"I think he'd be mad not to like a girl like you, Rae. No. Scratch that. I think he'd be mad not to like _you_, Rae." Izzy beamed at her.

"But what if he doesn't?" Rae said quietly, almost like she was defeated already.

"Then he really is mad." Chloe explained with enough confidence for the both of them. "And we'll find you someone even fitter, who isn't mad. Now come here." Rae stood up and walked over to Chloe as she wrapped her arms around Rae in a tight embrace. Then suddenly Izzy's little arms were wrapped around Rae from behind.

"I love you, girlies." Rae said with a bit of snag in her voice.

"Right back at ya, babe." Chloe said into her neck.

_Sisters. _

It was about a quarter to 8 when there was strong rapping on the door.

"Be right there!" Rae shouted as she was putting the last element of her outfit on: her shoes.

She looked at herself in the mirror one last time before she answered the door to make sure everything was in place. She decided on a shimmery midnight blue dress, with her standard black leggings and knee high leather boots.

_You look hot. _

She smiled to herself and went to the door. What greeted her on the other side immediately took her breath away. Finn was standing there in a sky blue button down tucked into a pair of slim black slacks, with his hair perfectly tousled.

_Jesus… Say something, Rae._

"Well don't you clean up nice, Finnley."

"Friday is my day to shower, so." He smiled at her.

_Good. My Finn is back… I mean Finn. Just Finn. _

"Lucky us."

"You look nice, too." He said as he took in her appearance.

_It's adorable how hard he tries to not make it obvious that he's staring at my boobs. _

"So, you lot ready, then?" He asked peering into their suite to see where Izzy and Chloe were.

"Just about. Come in."

It was the first time Finn had been to their suite and suddenly Rae felt really self-conscious about the things in it. She'd long lost the Care Bear duvet that used to cover her single bed back home, but she still had some a small Troll collection sitting on her book shelf. She tried hard to position herself in front of it so he wouldn't notice.

"Oh, hey," Finn said noticing her posters on the wall. "I have the same one in my room."

"Oh really, Finn? You have a _Morning Glory _album poster on your wall? Interesting." A sly smile spread across her face.

"I never said I didn't like _Morning Glory_, just that _Definitely Maybe _is better."

"Oh, right." She said with a nod and playful smile.

"Oh, hiya, Finn!" Izzy grinned as her and Chloe came out of the bathroom.

"Hey, Iz. Happy birthday, Chlo!" He said wrapping his strong arms around her.

"So are we ready, then? Is Chanel coming?" Chloe asked as she gathered her purse up.

"No, but she's coming to the party–" Izzy immediately stopped herself but not before her face turned the same shade as her hair.

_Oh, shit._

"What party?" Chloe questioned with an eager smile on her face.

"Oh, no, not a party," Finn tried to remedy the situation. "Ya know, just the cake at ours."

'Oh, right." Chloe's smile fell.

"Well, let's get to it, then. Archie'll kill me if we're even a minute late." Finn added trying to shuffle the girls out the door.

They got to the Renaldi's with just a minute to spare and Rae had to suppress a giggle when she saw Archie standing outside craning his neck trying to find Finn's car. The tantalizing smell of baking bread and tomatoes sizzling with garlic wafted into Rae's nose, making the monster in her stomach was growl violently. She'd come a long way with being able to eat in front of people if it was just one or two people but she still had trouble eating in front of a large group. But since it was Chloe's birthday, she made a promise to herself to do it and to get whatever she wanted, not just a salad. She knew her friends wouldn't even notice her eating, she knew they wouldn't, but that still didn't stop her hands from shaking as she looked over the menu. She was about to give up and just order a salad when she felt a burning sensation on her leg. She looked down to see a finger that belonged to Finn drawing something.

_He does remember. _

Y-O-U-O-K-?

She looked up to meet his earnest eyes and for the second time tonight she lost her breath. All she could do was smile and nod.

"Good." He smiled back. "Whatcha gunna get?'

"I don't know. This margherita pizza sounds good."

Finn leaned over her shoulder to read where she was pointing and all of her senses were invaded by him. "Oh, that does sound good. I'm gunna get the meat lover's pizza. Wanna share?"

_Sharing food? Isn't that something couples do?_

"Yeah, sure, that'd be cool."

When their food came, Rae gave Finn half of her pizza and he gave her half of his. When she looked around the table it seemed like Barney and Archie and Izzy and Chop had done the same thing. Chloe caught Rae's eyes and gave her an encouraging nod.

_Maybe Chloe is right. Maybe we are actually more than just friends… But what if we're not… _

Rae tried her hardest to push the thought from her mind.

_Tonight is about Chloe. _

Rae clinked her knife against her empty wine glass, already feeling the buzz, and started a little birthday speech. "To Chloe! Happy birthday! Hope this one is the best yet! I love ya!"

Everyone else raised their glasses and said, "Hear, hear!"

"Aw, you guys!" Chloe said as she got up to give Rae a hug. "It already is. Now let's go get that cake!" She added with a wink to Rae.

_Oh, she definitely knows something is up. _

They got to the house on Merle Hill at exactly 9:59 and when they walked in to a roar of "Surprise!" Chloe did he best to act genuinely surprised.

"You knew, didn't you?" Rae whispered to her.

"Course. I knew all week, I just didn't wanna say anythin' cause I knew how hard you and Arch worked to keep it a secret." She said with a grateful smile. When she saw Paul and Shannon, however, she honestly was surprised. She even started crying.

"Rae! This is the best birthday present ever! Thank ya so much!"

"Was nothin'." She explained to Chloe as she cried into her neck. She caught Paul looking at the two of them with a kind smile on his face that went all the way up to his emerald eyes.

_Hm, he's rather fit, isn't he? I hope him and Shannon don't have thing… Wait. What am I thinkin'. Finn. Hello? But what about Finn, you two aren't a couple. You're single, ain't ya…_

When Chloe let go of Rae, she immediately ran over to Shannon and started telling her all about what was going on her in life and introduced her to everyone at the party. When the two of them walked away, Paul strolled over to Rae. The first thing she noticed, besides his eyes, was how tall he was. Rae was so used to be the tallest of their group of friends that she forgot that there were people out there that were actually taller than her.

"You're Rae, right?" He asked, his voice a lot deeper than Rae was anticipating.

_Well that's not sexy or anything. _

"Yep, that's me." She beamed up at him.

"I just wanted to thank ya for inviting my sister and me."

_Sister. Praise, Jesus. _

"It was my pleasure. How do you guys know Chloe?"

"Grew up next door to each other, she's kind of like our unofficial sister, really." He flashed a dazzling smile at Rae that made her a bit weak in the knees.

From the corner of her eye, Rae caught Finn looking at her and Paul with a confused look on his face. When Rae looked over at him, he went back to the conversation he was having with…

_Is that stupid hair guy?_

"So what are you studyin' here, Rae?" Paul asked, sincerely interested in hearing the answer.

"Literature. What about you? Where do you go to school at?"

"I'm studyin' medicine at Birmingham."

"What kind of doctor do you want to be?"

"Orthopaedic. I want to be a surgeon, actually."

"Is there any extra schooling to be a surgeon?"

But before Paul could answer, Finn was at Rae's elbow.

"Rae-Rae, come be my beer pong partner." He said without a second look to Paul.

"Finn. This is Paul, Chloe's mate from back home." Rae said as an introduction.

"Y'alright?" Finn asked Paul a bit too cutting for Rae's liking.

"Just fine, mate. Sorry, did you say somethin' about beer pong?" Paul answered, his bright green eyes shining.

"Yeah, I was just askin' Rae if she wanted to be partner," Finn insisted, still not looking at Paul.

"And why would I want to do that?" She offered with a smirk. "He's pretty bad." She winked at Paul.

"Oi! I'm right here, ya know." He grunted, clearly not amused.

"Sorry, mate." Rae laughed.

"Well, Rae, I'd like to be your partner. I mean, if that's okay with you, Finn?" Paul reasoned, looking between the two of them. "I don't wanna step on your toes if she's your usual partner, ya know."

_What is going on right now? _

Finn furrowed his brows and worried his lip between his teeth, his tell-tale sign that he was uncomfortable. "Uh, yeah, sure. If that's what Rae wants, I mean." He added, his eyes begging her to pick him.

_What the fuck is going on?!_

"Uhhhh…"

_Who do I pick? If I pick Finn, then I could lose the possibility of getting to know this guy who actually seems interested. If I choose Paul then I show Finn I just see us as friends. Jesus, where's Chloe when I need her. _

"I, uh–"

"Oi! Rae! Can you come here for a minute?" Archie hollered across the room.

_Thank god for Archie and his impeccable timing. _

"Scuse me, boys."

As she walked away, she carefully looked over her shoulder to see the scene she just walked away from. Finn stood there, his mouth slightly agape with a look of pure confusion on his stunning face. Paul on the other was grinning like an idiot, completely unaware of what just happened. Rae saw him go to say something to Finn but Finn walked away before he could even get a word out.

If Rae could avoid it, she'd only talk to Paul when she knew Finn was nowhere to be found. It felt weird and wrong, like she was cheating on Finn in a way, but she knew that was ludicrous. They were friends after all. She was allowed to talk to other boys just like Finn was allowed to talk other girls, which is exactly what he was doing. Everything would be fine at lunch on Monday.

It was closing in on 3 in the morning when the party finally started winding down. Most of the guests had left and those that hadn't were sprawled on whatever piece of floor they could find. Chloe, Shannon, and Paul were passed out on the couches in the living room and Izzy was staying with Chop, leaving Rae alone to walk home.

"Don't be daft, Rae." Finn was saying as she was trying to leave.

"I'll be fine, Finn." She slurred back to him.

"Rae. I'm not lettin' you leave this house by yourself. I'm too drunk to drive, so you're stayin' here. End of."

Rae looked around the mess of people on the floor and thought aloud, "Well, where am I supposed to sleep?"

"You can stay in my bed with me."

That sobered her up real quick.

_Uhhhh… In your bed? WITH you?_

Rae timidly followed Finn upstairs to his room. He pointed to his door and told Rae to make herself comfortable while he ran to the loo. Rae stood outside his room, took a deep breath, and pushed the door open. What met her when she opened it was so perfectly Finn she couldn't help but get lost in it. It smelt like him. It looked like him. It even felt like him. She ran her fingers along all the psychology books on his shelf and breathed him in. It just felt right, being here. She was perusing his record collection when she heard his voice from behind her.

"Do you wanna borrow a t-shirt or somethin'? I don't want you to ruin your dress."

She turned around to see him casually leaning against the door frame, so effortlessly sexy, that Rae visibly swallowed.

"Oh, don't worry about it. It's actually pretty comfortable." She answered, trying her hardest not to stare.

"You sure? I don't mind."

"Yeah. I'll be alright." She smiled at him

_I actually probably will be pretty uncomfortable sleeping in this but it would just be too embarrassing if he gave me a shirt and it didn't fit. _

Rae awkwardly cleared her throat before she spoke again. "Is there, uh, a side of the bed you prefer to sleep on?"

"Not really. I typically sleep in the middle. So you choose."

"Right."

"Was that your answer or your understandin'?" He laughed.

"Uh, both?" She answered, matching his laugh.

"Alright, right side it is for you, then."

She climbed into his bed and the smell of him encompassed her. It was almost too much and then he climbed in next to her and it was all together too much. The feel of him next to her, the smell of him, the wholeness she felt, it was all too good to be true.

Finn propped himself on his elbow and turned to look at her.

"Hi." He smiled. "You're the first girl I've had up here in a while."

_Whaaaaat are you trying to say?_

"Oh, lucky me." She winked.

He lay back down, staring at his ceiling before he spoke again. "So, uh, what's with that Paul guy?"

"S'nothin'. Just a mate of Chloe's. Was tryin' to be nice." _Are you jealous, Finn?!_

"Oh, right, course. He seemed nice."

"He was. But he's going back to Birmingham tomorrow so probably won't see him again."

She felt Finn exhale next to her.

"Shame."

"Right, you seem so broken up about it." She laughed as she looked around his room some more. There was a picture of two girls, couldn't be more than two-years-old, on his night table she didn't notice before.

"Aw, Finn. Who are these two?" She asked.

Finn sat up to look at who she was talking about.

"Oh," he said rather delicately. "They're my – ahem – my sisters."

"I didn't know you had sisters!" She said turning to look at him. "Why didn't you tell me all those times I was talkin' about Jazzy?"

Finn crossed his arms as he turned towards her, like he was open to talking but still significantly closed off. "Uh, it's because I don't actually know them."

Rae was confused. "What d'ya mean?"

"They're my mum's daughters with her new husband. They're twins, about six-years-old now."

Rae knew better than to cut Finn off with more questions when he was in an emotional state. It would only make him clam up.

"My mum, uh, she left my dad and me when I was about 7. She was there in the morning when I went to school and was gone when I came home. When dad said she left, I just thought he meant she went to the market or somethin', not that she left… Us."

Rae was seeing a whole new side to Finn she'd never seen before. He wasn't meeting her eyes; he was just looking off into the distance as he recalled what was clearly a very painful memory.

"Apparently she'd been havin' an affair with a man at her work for a few years and when he was offered a new position in the States she went with him."

There was so much anger in his eyes and hurt in his voice that Rae wanted to reach out and wrap her arms around him but knew she couldn't. Not yet at least. He needed to get this off his chest and if she did what she wanted to, he'd stop talking.

"I was so angry, Rae. I couldn't believe that she would do that to us, ya know? She was my mum. I loved her so much but she just… left. Without even sayin' bye, really. My dad was damn near depressed, started drinkin' pretty heavily and sent me to live with Archie for a few weeks while he figured himself out. He sobered up real quick when I got into my first fight at school. It was then he realized that we were all each other had left so he sent me to a therapist and started seeing one himself."

Finn's eyes started to gloss over and Rae knew it was okay to touch him now, so she reached out and grabbed his hand. He let her hold it while he continued on with his story.

"In a twisted way, I'm kind of grateful for it because it led me to my future profession, ya know? I don't think I would have ever thought about becoming a children's psychologist if it wasn't for Ms. Pam. I know I still have some residual problems because of it. I still resort to anger instead of usin' my words. I have difficulty trustin' people because of it, especially women. But she basically saved my life."

He was quiet for a few minutes and Rae decided to press her luck and ask some questions.

"When's the last time you talked to your mom?"

Finn thought about her question. "Probably when my nan died about three years ago."

_Jesus._

"She sent me that picture of Samantha and Suzanne for my birthday a few years ago. And it felt like she was sayin', "happy birthday son I abandoned, here's a picture of my perfect twin girls that I love more than you.'"

There was so much venom and pain in Finn's voice that Rae started to cry herself.

"It just makes me feel like it was somethin' I did that made her leave, ya know? Like why wasn't I good enough for you, mum? Why did you have to leave me just to have two more children? Why wasn't I enough? Why am I never enough?"

And then he was sobbing. Rae wrapped her arms as tight around him as she could and he was clinging to her dress. She was trying her hardest to soothe him and make him feel like he was enough but she knew what it was like. Rae had her closure with her father, it seems like Finn never got the chance with his mom.

"Shhh, Finn. You are enough. Your mom did whatever your mom did because of her, not because of something you did and definitely not because of who you are. You're a remarkable person, Finn. She doesn't deserve to know you."

_Thanks for that one, Kester. _

After that, she just let him cry and she didn't let go until he was done.

It was about 10 minutes later when Finn finally let go of Rae and rolled over to his side of the bed. Rae was wiping her own eyes when she felt the bed dip and the familiar hot touch of Finn's fingers on her skin.

T-H-A-N-K-S.

"For what?" She whispered into the dark.

F-O-R-B-E-I-N-G-Y-O-U.


	7. Chapter 7

Rae woke Saturday morning with a colossal ache in her head and a heaviness in her stomach. Wait, no. Not in her stomach, on her stomach.

_What is that? Oh my god. That's not my arm!_

Her eyes flashed open and she immediately regretted this decision as the sun coming through the window sent an extreme wave of nausea over her already insulted tummy.

_Hold on. This isn't my room. _

She ever so carefully turned her face to the left to take in a breathtaking, sound asleep Finn.

_What the actual fuck! How did I? When did I? Oh, shit. We didn't…_

Rae carefully picked up Finn's navy blue comforter to make sure she was still wearing clothes.

_Phew._

It didn't take long for Rae to remember the events that went on the night before.

_I tried to leave. Finn wouldn't let me. Told me to sleep in his bed. With him. He really opened up to me. He cried. He cuddled me in his sleep. And I think my ovaries exploded at some point… _

Rae cautiously tried to get out from underneath Finn's arm without waking him but to no avail. The last time she tried to wriggle away from him, he cuddled closer and she started to wonder why she was trying to so hard to get away in the first place. She turned from her back to her side to get a better look at him.

_God damn. This man hit the fuckin' jackpot in the looks department. He is so beautiful, inside and out, with one of those faces that was just made to be looked at and a heart that was meant for nothin' but to give and receive love. _

Rae watched him sleep for what felt like hours but knew it was probably only 10 minutes. She felt his chest rise and fall next to hers and watched his eyes twitch slightly as he watched the movie of his dreams. She watched as his luscious lips curled in a small smile at what he was imagining.

_What I wouldn't give to feel those lips on mine. _

She went to move the fringe on his forehead out of his eyes when he suddenly inhaled deeply and stuttered awake. Rae quickly pretended like she was just waking up herself.

"Oh, shit." Finn said as he quickly removed his arm from around her stomach. "I'm so sorry." He looked deeply apologetic, like it must have been the worst thing in Rae's life to be under his most sincere embrace.

_A_s_ if. What? Note to self: Tell Chloe to stop watching that goddam Clueless movie. _

"Did you sleep alright?" He asked stretching his arms up.

"Yeah. Best night's sleep I've had in a while, actually." She said with a grin that he couldn't see.

He brought his arms down and turned back to her.

"Good."

She smiled at him before they both went back to looking at his ceiling. After a few minutes of content silence, Finn grumbled.

"Wonder how fucked up the house is. After the Halloween party, it took all day to fuckin' clean."

"Sounds rough, really wish I could stay and help clean, but you know, I might break a nail." She grinned at him.

"Oh, you think you're _so_ funny, Rae." He said as he started poking at her sides, trying to tickle her.

"Oi, Finn!" She laughed.

Suddenly they were in an extreme tickle fight and through it all he somehow managed to hover over her. Slightly out of breath, he looked down at her face, moving his eyes from hers to her lips and then up again.

_Jesus. This is it! _

Rae could have sworn he was starting to move in when there was a knock on the door.

_YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FUCKIN' KIDDIN' ME. _

Finn lowered his head with a sigh as he moved from over Rae back to his side of bed.

"Who is it?" He asked with a slight annoyance to his voice.

"We have to clean this fuckin' house, ya knobhead. So get the fuck up!" It was Chop's voice and even though she couldn't see his face, she knew the exact expression he wore: it was a look that tried too hard to be intimating so he just ended up looking like a school boy trying to play bad cop. It was actually pretty adorable.

"Ugh! Alright, we'll be right there!"

"We?! Finnley Daniel Nelson… Do you have a bird in there?" Rae could hear his smile through the door.

"Uhhh…" Finn mouthed an "I'm so sorry" to Rae but she just laughed.

"Hiya, Chop!" She shouted.

"Rae?"

"The one and only."

Chop slowly opened the door, peeked inside, and took in the scene in front of him. Rae's face was slightly flushed from the tickle fight and the almost kiss and Finn sat cross-legged, his hands folded in his lap, with an annoyed sulk on his face.

"You didn't let him touch your lady parts did ya, Raemundo?"

"Oh, for fuck's sake, Chop!" Finn yelled, throwing his pillow at him.

"What? Just gotta look out for my girl, mate. Wanna make sure she wasn't disappointed by your tiny knob." He said with a wink to Rae which made Finn lunge out of bed and play wrestle his friend.

The three of them were laughing when mountains of curly ginger hair appeared at the door wearing a shirt that was about three times too big for her small frame.

"What are the two of you doin' in here?" Izzy yawned, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

"Oh, nothin'. Just tellin' Finn here he has a tiny dick." Chop said giving her a kiss on the cheek.

Izzy looked between the two of them incredulously, shaking her head. "Boys."

"Right," Finn said with one last punch to Chop's arm. "We should get cleanin'. Ya comin', Rae?"

"Rae?" Izzy questioned.

"Yeah, Rae and Finn had a bit of a sexy party last night." Chop answered pushing the door open so Izzy could see Rae still lying back on Finn's bed. Her eyes went so far up that Rae couldn't tell where her eyebrows ended and her hair started. The two girls exchanged an entire conversation with one look.

_Did something happen last night?!_

_NO! _

_Damn._

_Tell me about it. _

The four of them left Finn's room and Chop went to bang on Archie and Peter's doors to wake them up to help clean. When they got downstairs, they noticed most of the other guests had left sometime in the early morning as the only people left were Chloe, Shannon, and Paul. The three of them were cuddling together on the couch, drinking coffee and watching Saturday morning cartoons.

"Mornin'," Chloe lazily offered as she sipped her coffee. "Made some for everyone," she added raising her mug.

"Brilliant." Archie chimed in. "Anyone else's head bangin'? It feels like someone's taken a piss on my soul."

A few "here's" and "mine" were announced but all Rae could focus on was the look of wistful comprehension on Paul's face as he watched Rae follow Finn down the stairs. She offered him a sunny smile, which he immediately returned with a small nod.

_Maybe in a different life, my friend, since in this life, my heart irrevocably belongs to that idiot over there. _

With all the helping hands, it didn't take but an hour to clean the whole house, top to bottom. When they were finished, Finn suggested getting food and everyone immediately cried their concurrence. As they were getting ready to leave Finn pulled Rae aside and asked if she wanted to study with him after lunch.

"I think everyone is too knackered to go to the pub later. Do you wanna go to the café with me after lunch to study? I have an exam on Monday that I am not ready for."

"Yeah, I actually have a lot of readin' to catch up on myself. Fuckin' Dickens."

Rae felt like they were at the chippy for only five minutes before everyone started saying their good-byes. She couldn't tell if her nerves were shot because she was genuinely exhausted from her hangover or if it was because she nervous to study with Finn.

_Why am I so fuckin' nervous? How often do we hang out, just the two of us? Every bloody day, Rae. Last night was one of the most intimate nights of my life, though. He was vulnerable and he opened up to me so much. And what was with this morning? I could have sworn he would have tried to kiss me if Chop hadn't knocked on the door. What is with his fuckin' roommates and havin' the absolute worst timin' on the face of the planet? Still, somethin's changed. We're closer than we've ever been. What if I fuck this up? What if I've read all the signs wrong? What if he really is __**just **__my best friend. _

"It was lovely meetin' you, Rae," Paul said, his emerald green eyes shining in the November sun.

"You as well," she beamed up to him. "Hopefully you and Shannon can come for another visit soon. You don't just have to wait for Chlo's birthday, ya know?"

"Yeah!" Chloe shouted behind them, her arms tightly wrapped around Shannon.

Paul turned to smile at Chloe and caught Finn's gaze in the process.

"Look, uh, if it doesn't work out between the two you," he added, motioning his head towards Finn. "You can always give me a ring. I'd love to hear from ya."

_Bloody hell._

"What? Me and Finn? Nah. We're just best friends."

_Aren't we?_

Paul leaned in to give Rae a kiss on the cheek when he whispered, "Friends don't look at situations like this, with faces like that, Rae."

Rae looked over his shoulder to see a string of different emotions flash across Finn's face: Confusion, then jealousy, then anger, then back to confusion.

"Good luck," Paul added with a wink.

Rae felt dizzy.

_I thought I was the only who caught those looks. If an almost complete stranger catches them, too, they must actually mean something. _

"You ready?" Finn asked, heaving his bag over his shoulder.

Rae felt like there were so many deviations of that same question and she wasn't sure how to answer any of them.

It was probably one of the last clear days before the cold rain of winter started, so the pair of them decided to walk. First stop was Rae's suite so she could grab her things and shower. Knowing there was just a thin curtain and a door separating Finn and her naked body sent ice cold shivers down her spine, regardless of the piping hot shower.

_He could come in here at any minute and see me. I'd crush him if we ever had sex. Liam was bigger than me, but only slightly, and even he was repulsed by me. What makes me think Finn could ever be any different? How could I ever think he'd want this? This fat, grotesque– _

"NO!" She screamed at herself as she slammed her fists against the ceramic tiles of their shower.

**Knock. Knock.**

"Rae? Are you okay?" Finn hollered through the door. Rae could hear him start to turn the handle.

_Oh, shit. Don't come in!_

"Uh, yeah, just dropped the shampoo bottle. Sorry! I'm almost done."

"Okay, just makin' sure. I'll be out here. Take your time."

"Thanks!" She hollered back, slapping her hands over her face as the water flowed down her body, mortified at the thought of what could have just happened.

_You see where bad thoughts get you, Rae? Liam was a twat and Finn is the farthest thing from one. You. Are. Perfect. Finn's not the kind of guy who would care about your naked body, he'd care about your naked soul. _

Rae got out of the shower and really looked at herself in the mirror for the first time in a long time.

_Right, now say three things you like about yourself. I like my hair. It's long and beautiful and looks really good when it's slightly curled. Good, next. I like my lips. I'd like them better if Finn's were constantly attached them, but I digress. Perfect! And finally… I like my legs. They're long, strong and look fantastic in leggings. _

Rae smiled to herself and her mind instantly eased from all tension and embarrassment she felt before.

_See, not too hard, is it?_

Rae toweled off and went to grab her clothes from the top of the toilet when she realized they weren't there.

_What the fuck? Where are my clothes… On top of your dresser, you numpty! _

"Fuck."

Rae wrapped her towel around her body and poked her head out the door.

"Uh, Finn?" She could see he was sitting on her bed reading _Oliver Twist, _her latest novel for Victorian Lit.

"Yeah?" He asked, leaning over the side of her bed to look at her.

"Uh, so, aha, I kind of left my clothes on my dresser and–"

"Oh, do you want me to bring them to you?" He asked, sliding off her bed and making his way towards her dresser.

"Would you mind?"

"Not at all."

Finn crossed the room to grab the clothes and when he turned to make his way back to her, Rae could see the smallest smile on his face.

"Just, uh, don't look."

Finn immediately clamped his hand over his eyes and slowly walked towards the bathroom door. When he got there, he took his hand off his still tightly shut eyes, stuck it out and started feeling the air.

"Rae? Rae?! Oh my gosh, I'm blind! Rae!" His hand found her face and he started moving it around. "Rae, is that you?"

Rae was laughing so hard that she forgot she was totally naked except for the towel.

"Oi, you cheeky bastard, just give me my clothes."

He handed off her clothes and deviously opened one eye.

"Finn!" She shouted closing the door quickly.

"I like the pink towel!" He hollered, glee lacing his silky voice.

"You're such a dickhead!"

"You're the dickhead, dickhead!"

"Okay, child." Rae could hear him snort on the opposite side of the door and she felt nothing but the most sincere form of elation.

Time seems to stand still whenever it's just her and Finn. She loved when they were together as a gang but she lived for the moments it was just the two of them. And even though she got almost an hour and a half alone with him every day during the week it was never enough. She wanted all of him, all the time and she didn't care how selfish it was of her.

They got to the café around 3:30, ordered their drinks, and sat a small table in the corner by a large wooden window. Finn was the kind of studier that needed to take breaks at least every 15 minutes or he would go stir crazy so sitting in a place that would allow him to occasionally watch the passerby on the busy street was perfect for him. Rae didn't care where they sat as long as they were away from the prying eyes of the two girls who sat at the counter. She was used to the looks she got from girls whenever she was around Finn but that doesn't mean she could tolerate them for too long.

And the table was small, that was for sure. There was barely enough room for Finn's text book, let alone his text book and his notebook. Luckily Rae just had her novel so Finn could occupy all the space of the miniscule table he needed. Their knees were permanently pressed together and whether that was Finn's personal doing or just a matter of how small the table was, Rae wasn't sure, but it seemed that every time she moved hers away from his, he'd move his to wherever hers was.

_This table is just really small… Okay, Rae. Whatever you say. _

They spent the first hour of their "studying" not really studying. Instead, they were playing the "What's Their Story" game with the people on the street.

"Oh, you see that girl there?" Finn asked.

"Yeah, the surly lookin' one?"

"Yeah, her name is Candi, with an 'i,' and she just found out the cotton candy lip gloss isn't actually made from cotton candy." To which he pulled an appalled face and Rae was in stitches.

The chime on the door dinged, signaling someone was entering, and with them came a burst of cold air causing Rae to shiver.

_Gah, really wish I would have brought my jacket. Why ever did I think I could make it through a November day with just a flannel shirt?_

"Hey, do you want my jacket?" Finn asked, turning around in his chair to grab his leather jacket.

"Oh, no. I'll be fine. It's just a bit brisk when the door opens." And as if on cue, the door opens again and the same blast of cold air comes through, causing her to shiver again.

"Rae, just take my jacket. I don't need it. I'm actually kind of hot."

_Yeah, you are. I mean, what?_

"I'm fine, Finn. Honestly."

"Just take the fuckin' jacket, Rae." He said, practically throwing it across the table.

_What if it doesn't fit? What if I rip it? What if I can't even fit my hand through it? _

Rae ever so carefully put her arms through the sleeves and nothing happened. She heard no tearing sound and there was actually a little room to move around comfortably.

_Thank god. _

"Better?"

"Much. Thanks." And the two exchanged smiles.

"Now I've _got _to study. So stop distractin' me."

"Me?! You're the one who wanted to play 'What's Their Story,' Finnley."

"I do not recall." He countered to which she just shook her head and laughed.

It was about an hour into their actual studying when Rae could feel Finn's piercing honey eyes on her as she read and it made her extremely self-conscious.

_Do I have a double chin? Do I have somethin' on my face? Is my face turnin' read? Can he tell I'm too distracted by his gaze to pay attention to what I'm actually readin'? _

The sixth time she read the same sentence, she finally spoke up: "Will ya stop starin' at me? It freaks me out."

He laughed. "I'm not starin'."

"Right."

"I like watchin' you read." He admitted quietly after a few minutes.

_Huh_?

"Sorry?" Asking as if she hadn't heard exactly what he said because she was too emotionally invested in the same sentence she's read for the twentieth time.

"I like watchin' you read." He repeated looking up to meet her eyes.

"Why? Jealous you can't do it yourself?" She said with a smirk.

"Ha! Funny," he casually chuckled. "No. I, uh, I like the way your eyes dance around the page, like you want to read fast so you know what happens, but slow so you don't miss anythin'. And when you think somethin's clever, you smile to yourself. And when you think somethin's truly funny, you laugh. It's just a tiny laugh though, so no one asks you why you're laughin' because you want it to be yours and only yours. Like you don't want to share that moment with anyone, it's just between you and the book. I think it's brilliant."

Rae was stunned. Never, in all her life, has someone described to her the feelings she has when she reads. They're the roots to the deepest part of her soul. But, if Rae was being honest with herself, Finn wasn't only in her soul, but the very core of it. It was in this very moment she realized that things such as "soul mates" actually exist.

_How do I even come back from that? Will words even come out of mouth if I try to open it? Better yet, will they come out properly? Do I make a joke? Do I keep it serious? What do I do?!_

"Well, that's quite the observation, Finnley. How ever did you become so astute?"

"I'm always watchin', Rae. Always watchin'." He explained with a smile as he went back to his own work.

_And what I wouldn't give to hear the thoughts that cross your mind when you watch me. _

Another two hours passed and Rae was starting to feel tension in her shoulders. She leaned back in her chair and stretched her arms over her head, Finn's eyes coolly watching her as she did so, playing with the pen in his mouth. When she caught him staring, he quickly averted his eyes and coughed.

"Uh, are you ready to head out soon? My brain is fried and this chair has made my bum numb." He asked, awkwardly repositioning himself.

"Yeah, I'm good whenever you are." She responded going to take his jacket off.

"Oh, keep it on, Rae. It's cold out there." He said pointing outside.

"But what about you?"

"I'll be grand. Besides, your suite isn't that far away."

"Oh, you're gunna walk me home?"

_How sweet!_

"Don't be daft. Of course I'm walkin' ya home."

They left the café and walked the still streets in a comfortable silence.

"I really like this place, ya know?" Finn offered after a few minutes.

"Yeah, it's got somethin', doesn't it?"

"It's crazy to think how different my life is now because I chose to come here. Like my life could have gone in a completely different direction had I gone somewhere else, ya know? My friends would be different. Who knows, maybe even my future wife." He looked at her and smiled.

_Sweet Jesus._

"I know exactly what you mean. I almost didn't come here but then I came for a tour and it just felt right, like I could imagine my life here. Is that weird?"

"Not at all. I know exactly what you mean. Arch and I came for a tour when we were in college and we felt the same way."

"Did you two always know you wanted to go to university together?"

"I don't think it was somethin' we ever actively thought about. I just think we knew it would be weird if we weren't constantly around each other. I mean, I've seen him every day of my life since I was 6. I think we'd fall apart without each other, actually." He smiled admiringly and Rae knew he was thinking about Archie.

"I think it's great that you two have each other like that." She matched his smile.

"Do you have a friend like that?"

"Nah, not really." A pang of the deepest sadness filled her heart.

_God, that's tomorrow isn't it? _

"Well, you have Chloe and Izzy and they're pretty close, yeah?" He beamed at her, unaware of the thoughts that crept into her mind.

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

Before she knew it, they were outside her building and Finn was nervously kicking the rocks around his feet.

"Rae. I want to talk to you about last night-"

"Finn, you don't have to say anything." She said turning to meet his earnest gaze.

"I know I don't have to, but I want to. I know I told you a few weeks ago how pleased I am that I met ya, but I don't think you truly understand what that means to me. The only other person I've ever been able to talk about my mum to, besides Ms. Pam and my dad, is Archie. And he's my best mate and I guess, in a way, you've also become my best mate. And I – I really value our friendship and that I know I can talk to you like that, ya know? I trust you so much, Rae, and trust is a hard thing for me to give. And Jesus, you make me laugh so fuckin' hard. Harder than any person I've ever met. And there's – there's somethin' I've been wantin' to tell ya for a while now and I know if I don't say it now, I feel like I never will."

Rae took a deep breath as he finished speaking, not realizing she was holding her breath. She had never seen Finn this exposed before, last night was a good example of his vulnerability, but this was a whole different kind of vulnerability, a kind she's never even seen in herself.

"What?" Her voice echoed through the night even though it was barely above a whisper.

"Rae… I – I think I'm in love with you."

If Rae could imagine what a heart attack felt like, she'd imagine it'd feel something like this. It felt like her heart leapt out of her chest, ran around the block a few dozen times while hula hooping to a mariachi band. And it felt sensational. She didn't know whether to jump for joy, to shout from the roof tops that she loved Finn as well, or to just grab his face and smash their lips together until they both turned blue.

She decided using her words was probably her best option.

"Finn, I-"

"Rae?" She and Finn turned to see a tall figure emerge from the shadows of the car park, holding what looked like a bouquet of flowers.

_Oh, fuck._

"Liam?"


	8. Chapter 8

"Liam?"

Rae couldn't believe his name was coming out of her mouth. She couldn't believe he was standing in front of her with a shit-eating grin all over his stupid face like it was the most natural thing in the world. It was the first time she's seen him in almost a year and she'd always wondered what she'd do if she ever saw him again. Now that the moment was here, she couldn't move.

_It's all a dream, Rae. Everything. Finn telling you he loves you. Liam being here. It's not real. Just close your eyes really tight and when you wake up, you'll still be in Finn's bed. _

She closed her eyes, took a deep breath and when she opened them it wasn't Finn's poster lined walls like she was hoping for but the darkest night she could ever remember. It was as if someone sucked all the happy stars out of the sky that were shining so brightly not even two minutes before when Finn confessed his feelings to Rae.

_Oh, right. Someone did and his name is fuckin' Liam. _

"What the fuck are you doin' here?" She asked him, a venomous chill in her tone.

Finn was looking between the two of them trying to remember if Rae had ever mentioned a Liam before. He remembers everything she's ever said to him, which is a lot, and he doesn't recall the name Liam being uttered once. Especially not with as much bitterness as she's presently doing. Finn doesn't think he's ever heard this much hatred come out of her. Not even when Chloe was banging on about the Backstreet Boys one night and Rae pretty much declared they were the worst thing that ever happened to music.

"Rae… Who's this?"

"No one." She spat in the direction of Liam. "He's no one, Finn. C'mon. Let's go inside." Rae tried to pull Finn's hand away and lead him inside the building but his feet were cemented to the ground.

"Who is he, Rae? And why'd he bring you flowers?" Finn's voice was drowning in pain as he looked from the flowers in Liam's hands to Rae's sunken face.

_This isn't happening. This isn't happening. This cannot be happening. Wake up, Rae! Wake up!_

"She's not told you about me, eh? I'm Liam." His thick brogue boomed through the quiet night and Rae's heart crept up her throat, begging to be thrown up. "I'm her ex-boyfriend."

Finn's eyes darted from Liam to Rae. He didn't like how uncomfortable Rae suddenly became around this guy and he surely wasn't about to leave without learning the answer to why her ex-boyfriend brought her flowers. "Why'd you bring her those?" He asked, pointing a shaky hand in the direction of the daisies, which Finn knew were her favorite.

"They're just so friendly, aren't they?" She said once when they were walking around the campus lake. "No one can be sad when they're lookin' at daisies, Finn. It's physically impossible, even for a grump sod like you." She had given him the most beautiful smile and it was then he knew she had his heart. His heart swelled at the memory but was soon brought back to the present where he felt like a deflated balloon left after a children's birthday party. Once so happy and filled with hope for what was to come just to be brought down by a single prick.

"Please, Finn, can we leave it and go inside? Please?" Rae was practically begging Finn to listen to her, her eyes pleading with him to follow her.

"Uh, they're for tomorrow." Liam hesitated before he offered them to Rae.

"I don't want them." Rae warned Liam, looking him square in the eye for the first time since he arrived.

"What's tomorrow?" Finn asked looking between the two of them again, wondering if he's missing something really important in Rae's life.

"Jesus Christ, Rae. Do you not tell your boyfrien' anythin'?" Liam asked exasperated.

"He's not my boyfriend." She answered quietly, crossing her arms over her chest and suddenly becoming extremely interested in the color of her shoes.

Finn's eyes snapped back to Rae as he searched her face, hoping he heard her wrong. When he finally spoke, his voice was so small that it shattered Rae's heart. "Right, no. I guess I'm not."

He took a deep breath, looked between the two of them once more and declared: "You know what. I'm just gunna go. Rae – never mind." And he marched off before Rae realized what was happening.

"Finn, wait! Please don't go!" He kept walking without a second glance back. "Finn!"

The world was spinning around her, like a top that just wouldn't fall over. She felt like she didn't know what was up and what was down. Her breath started to hitch in her throat and then she couldn't catch it at all. She couldn't tell if she wanted to vomit or pass out.

"Count to 10, Rae!" She could hear her friend's voice in her head. "Just count to 10!"

_1…2…3…4…5…6…7…8…9…10… _

Her world was no longer spinning but she was downright frantic by the time she turned back to Liam.

"What do you want from me, Liam?! Why are you here?!" She screamed at him.

"I came about tomorrow." He offered with a shrug, trying to give her the flowers one last time. "I knew it was gunna be hard for you and I wanted ya to know that I – that I was thinkin' about ya."

"No," she said to him, manically shaking her head. "NO! Ya don't have that right, Liam! Not anymore. In fact, ya never did!" She finally took the flowers he'd been trying to offer her for the past 10 minutes and started bashing him over the head with them.

"Ey! What're doin'? Stop!"

"Do you have ANY idea what you just ruined for me?!"

She finally stopped hitting him with the flowers and looked at him through tear packed eyes. He lifted his arms up and looked around as if he was trying to find the answer.

"No, of course you don't," she huffed out to him. "Because all you've ever done is think about yourself. How the fuck did ya find me? There's no way my mum, Karim, or even Kester gave you my address."

"I, uh, I broke into Kester's office." He said with what he hoped was a winning smile. "I just had to see ya, Rae. I wanted to apologize."

"Ha!" A sharp chortle escaped her lips. "Apologize for what, Liam? For cheatin' on me with Amy for all those months? For makin' me feel worthless every single day of our relationship? What you think that showin' up here the night before her anniversary will make me forget you weren't at her funeral? Huh? The day I needed you the most you couldn't be bothered to show up! You think these fuckin' make up for it?" She asked, raising what was left of the flowers. "I needed you!"

"I'm sorry, Rae! Can we just get over it and move on?"

"There will never be a day when _we _do anything ever again. Do ya hear me? I spent _months _workin' past the shit you put me through. I spent months hatin' myself, feelin' worthless because of ya. And now the most wonderful man I have ever met just walked away from me because I see ya and all those feelin's come floodin' back and all my attempts at recovery are gone."

"How many times do I have to tell ya, Rae?" A devilish smile danced across Liam's face and his eyes twinkled even with the lack of light. "Recovery doesn't work. We'll always be fuck ups. There's no way that twat could understand ya like I do. I can't believe you even let yourself believe he'd like ya." It was his turn to laugh and it was rotten. It made Rae feel sick.

"How _dare _you try to speak ill of Finn. He's more of a man than you could ever even wish you could be. He's kind, he's compassionate, he's smart, and he's funny. And if you really must know, he loves me and not in the way that you so claimed to have 'loved' me, Liam. He loves me for all that I am and all that I'm not. And he does understand me, more than you ever could and more than you ever thought you did. You never knew me, Liam. Nor will you ever get the chance to know me again."

"Rae-"

"No! Listen to me you astronomical piece of shit. You will never again have the right to make me feel insignificant. Do ya understand me?" She stopped crying now, unyielding in the face of her greatest adversary. "I refuse to allow you to continue to have this hold over me. I refuse to let your thoughts and your actions plague my day to day life."

She took a giant breath of air and it felt like the freshest air she's ever breathed.

"Are ya finished?" The breezy façade he had up early came crashing down to a vicious aura that circled his head like a swarm of angry bees.

"I am so far past finished with ya, ya complete arsehole. I never want to see you again. I never want to hear from ya again. You are not a good person, Liam. Never have been and you probably never will be. God, I should have listened to Kester in the first place but you fucked with my mind so much, made me feel like I needed ya, like I couldn't make it without ya. Well guess what, douchebag? I'm fuckin' makin' it. In a fucked up way, Liam, I'm actually glad I saw ya tonight because do ya have any clue how long I've waited to say this to ya?"

"Probably about a year I can imagine," he pursed his lips and shook his head.

_Is he cryin'?_

"Longer. Since that very first time we fucked and you told me not to take my clothes off." Rae cringed as the memory flashed through her mind. "Remember? 'We're not exactly-'"

"Oil paintin's. Yeah, Rae, I remember." He said as he swiped at his eyes.

_Oh, fuck. He really is cryin'. Was I too harsh? Maybe I did take it a bit too far but this has been built up for so long it all came spillin' out so fast that I couldn't really stop it. _

"I just wanted to come about Tix, Rae." He added, swallowing the lump in his throat. "I didn't really want to come hear about how much I fucked up your life. But now that I did, I'm sorry. I really am. You were always a much better person than me and I'm sorry I made your life so utterly miserable." He caught another tear before it fell down his cheek. "Good luck, Rae. With everythin'." He added with a small nod before he turned back to the car park, leaving Rae's life forever.

_I finally told him everything I've been feelin' for years so why do I feel so miserable? _

Rae didn't know how long she stood outside after Liam walked away. Her throat was dry and her heart was heavy. She started running her finger tips up and down the scars on her legs, something she hadn't done in months and it made her nauseous. She quickly made her way upstairs to her room. It wasn't until she was greeted by a friendly, "Hiya!" from Chloe that she finally broke down and cried until there were no tears left. She didn't even know the exact reason why she was crying, there were just so many.

_I can't believe she's been gone for a whole year. I can't believe Finn said he loves me and I just let him walk away because of Liam. I can't believe I finally told Liam what I felt and I feel terrible because of how much I hurt him, which is total bollocks after all he put me through. I shouldn't feel bad for him, but I do. I've never been that cruel to someone before, I didn't even know I was capable of that._

Rae clung to Chloe's shirt for a good 45 minutes before the contents of her stomach were screaming to be let out. She ran to the toilet and vomited up everything until she was doing nothing but dry-heaving and sobbing some more. Chloe quietly came in and sat on the edge of the tub as Rae flushed the toilet and slumped up against the wall, hugging her knees to her chest and dropping her head down on them.

She could hear Chloe shuffling around her and she could hear the water running from the faucet but it felt like it was all miles and miles away. Soon she felt something ice cold and wet on the back of her neck and she realized that Chloe had gotten her a wet washcloth to cool down.

"You all right, babe?" Chloe asked for the first time since Rae broke down in front of her.

"Yeah, I'll be all right." Rae mumbled into her knees.

"You gunna tell me what happened?" Chloe pressed as she sat in front of Rae, bringing her hands into her own.

Rae looked up to meet Chloe's dazzling brown eyes filled with so much concern and love for her that Rae almost started crying again. "I don't know where to start." She sniffled.

"Well, why don't you start wherever you feel most comfortable startin'?"

Rae took a deep breath trying to steady her voice before she started speaking.

"It's a long story." She started, trying to dissuade Chloe, sure she wouldn't want to hear it.

"I've got all night, babe."

"Right. Well you know how I was in hospital a few years ago?" Chloe nodded her comprehension. "I guess I never told you about the people I met there: Tix and Liam. They were two completely different people who shaped my life in two vastly different ways. Tix was my polar opposite in every way but she was also my best friend from the moment I met her. Where I was brash, she was calm. I'm this big, burly person and she was this tiny, quiet person. I was in hospital for hatin' myself for eatin' too much and she in hospital for hatin' herself by not eatin' enough. Our differences were what brought us together. We both so wanted to be more like the other that we just clicked.

"And then there was Liam. Liam was like me, he looked looked like me, he acted like me. I loved that he didn't care what anyone thought about him. People would try and say shit to him and he'd come back with these amazin' zingers that would make 'em shut up on the spot. It was like a breath of fresh air being around him. I started to think that maybe I could be like that, too. And then we started datin' and it was amazin' for about the first month." Chloe visibly tensed not sure where Rae was going with the rest of the story.

"What happened? He didn't hurt ya, did he?" Chloe asked her voice raised half an octave.

"Physically, never. But there are still some emotional scars left from him that I've been tryin' to erase for months. He thought that because he could say such negative things about himself, that it'd be alright for him to say them about me, ya know 'because we're the same, you and I.'" She mimicked his voice and it made her feel sick again.

"I don't think we ever had sex completely naked because he never wanted me to take my clothes off." Rae felt Chloe's hand grow tight around her own. "And it went on like that for over a year."

"Rae… Why – Why did ya put yourself through that?" Chloe asked her voice hoarse with emotion.

"I felt like it was the only love I deserved, ya know? He would tell me every day how lucky I was to be with him because no one else could ever love me. And I believed him. I knew he'd been cheatin' on me for the majority of our 'relationship,' but I lived with it. I was scared of not bein' with him."

"When did ya finally leave him?"

"Uh, this is where it gets hard…" Rae inhaled harshly and Chloe squeezed her hand tighter. "Tixy, uh – ahem – she, uh, she died a year ago tomorrow." It was Chloe's turn to inhale sharply.

"I am so sorry, Rae." Chloe sympathized as a single tear rolled down her cheek.

"Thanks." Rae gave Chloe a weak smile. "But, uh, Liam didn't come to her funeral. It was the only time in our relationship I ever asked him to do somethin' for me and he couldn't even be bothered to show up. I looked for him the entire time, thinkin' maybe he was just stayin' in the back, but he wasn't there. I went round to his after the funeral to find him stoned out his mind claimin' he _forgot _the funeral was that day. So I broke up with him, told him I never wanted to see him again."

"Good for you, Rae!" Chloe cheered.

"And I hadn't seen him since… Until tonight."

"Whaaaat?" Chloe's face fell.

"Yep." Rae shook her head still not sure she believes everything that happened herself. "Even brought me flowers for tomorrow."

"What did ya say to him?"

"It honestly could not have been more awkward, Chlo. Finn was there-"

"I was wonderin' why you're wearin' his jacket. Why was Finn there?"

"Uh, well, as it turns out, Finn's in love with me…"

"What?! Oh my god, Rae!" Chloe lunged forward and wrapped Rae in her arms. "I knew it! I knew it! So are you two an item now? How'd he tell you? This is so excitin'!"

"Yeah, well, I don't think he wants anythin' to do with me anymore…"

Chloe stopped doing her happy dance. "What d'ya mean?"

"Well, uh, Liam walked up as Finn was tellin' me how he felt so I never got a chance to tell him how I felt myself. And then he called Finn my boyfriend." To which Chloe squealed. "… And I said he wasn't and then he walked away."

"Rae! Why would you do that? You love Finn! You shoulda told that twat Liam that he was your boyfriend and you shoulda kissed him senseless in front of him."

"I was scared, Chloe! Seein' Liam again brought back every miserable thing I ever thought about myself. I was scared of what he would say to Finn, ya know? I was scared that he'd tell Finn all these terrible things about me that Finn would start seein' them himself and realize that he doesn't actually love me."

"That's ridiculous, Rae."

"I know. I realized that after he walked away and by then it was too late. I was finally able to tell Liam all the things I've felt over the past year, though. And ya know what he did? He fuckin' cried and then I felt miserable. He just always has this way of makin' me feel bad for shit he's done."

"You should feel the opposite of bad, Rae. You needed to get it of your chest and he needed to hear it. He should feel bad and I'm sure he does. That was extremely brave of ya, Rae. I'm so proud of you. And you should be proud of yourself."

"How can I feel proud when I feel like such shit?"

"You feel like shit because you can no longer use Liam as your scapegoat. You can no longer hide behind the way he made you feel. You can't allow his words and his actions to stop you from doin' things and feelin' things and that terrifies you. You're finally a free woman with nothin' holdin' you back."

"But what about Finn? I'm sure he wants nothin' to do with me anymore. He was so hurt."

"You two have a relationship founded on honesty and communication. Tell him everything you just told me and you'll be just fine. Yeah?" She smiled at Rae.

"Yeah." She feebly smiled back.

_God, I hope you're right. _


	9. Chapter 9

Rae's sleep on Sunday night was the worst she's ever had and that includes her first night in hospital. She's not even sure how much she actually slept because every time she turned over to the clock on her night stand a new hour was displayed. Sunday, the day, wasn't nearly as bad as she expected it to be, given everything that happened. Rae was sure Chloe had given Izzy a Sparknoted version of what happened on Saturday night because the two of them made it their mission to keep Rae's mind clear of thoughts of Finn, Tix, and Liam. They went shopping, they went to see a movie, and they got manicures. It was a lot of fun, if Rae was being honest with herself, but it didn't take her mind away from anything, even though she pretended for Chloe and Izzy's sake.

Rae tried hard not to think too much into what Izzy had said about Finn coming home the night before, storming up to his room without saying a word to anyone, slamming the door and blaring The Smiths.

"The Smiths get me through the tough times." Finn's voice danced through her mind. "Or if I just need to think, I go to The Smiths."

_What do you need to think about, Finn?_

It was exactly this reason that she couldn't sleep the night before. She knew she'd be seeing Finn today and a thousand different scenarios flashed through her mind about how lunch was going to go. Countless times yesterday she'd picked up the phone to ring their house but every time she got to the tenth number, she'd hang up.

_What am I goin' to say to him that's not goin' to make me sound like a total twat? _

She couldn't be in bed anymore. Her first class wasn't for another three hours but maybe she could find Finn on campus and have their conversation earlier than lunch because the more she thought about it and the longer she waited, the queasier she became.

There was only one road on campus and it circled the university like a lasso. Rae's dormitory sat just off the main stretch before the loop and whenever she needed to clear her mind, she'd walk the giant circle around. Sometimes she'd bring her Discman and turn the music up so loud she couldn't hear her own thoughts. Sometimes she'd bring nothing and just listen to the sound of her feet hitting the pavement and the rustling of the leaves in the wind. She loved these moments of solitude for two reasons: they allowed her to escape her own mind for a bit and she was starting to notice her clothes fitting a little looser.

Rae quietly climbed out of bed and got ready for the day. She gathered up her jacket and threw some antiperspirant in her book bag knowing she'd need it after her walk and before lunch with Finn. She hesitated before grabbing her Discman but decided against it. Today was a listen to the beating of your heart match the rhythm of your footsteps kind of day.

_How is that conversation even goin' to go? "Oh, hiya, Finn! Haha. Remember Saturday night? Ha. Good times, yeah? So remember when you said you were in love me and my wanker ex-boyfriend showed up… Can we, like, revisit that conversation?" No. Too twatish. "Oh, Finn! Fancy seein' you here." Really, Rae? No. Just be honest with him. Like Chloe said, your friendship is based on honesty. Well, except for not tellin' him about the hospital. Or Liam. Or Tix. Jesus Christ. I've totally fucked this up, haven't I? No. You'll be fine. Everything will be okay. You two will talk and it will be awkward and brilliant and beautiful. You'll tell Finn how you feel and everything will work out just like it's supposed to. _

Rae's Introduction to Dramatic Studies class was her first and longest class of the day and instead of watching Kenneth Branagh's film adaptation of _Hamlet_ she watched the clock on the wall. The sound of the second hand's _tick, tick, tick _echoed around the room. The closer it got to 12:00, the slower the clock seemed to move and the faster her heart seemed to pound.

_11:45… 11:49… 11:52…11:53… Right. Write a paper about the movie and blah, blah, blah… 11:59… Doom. I mean noon. _

Rae slowly stood up from her desk, her breath already growing shallow at the mere thought of seeing Finn.

_It's goin' to be awkward, there's no escapin' it. But just think about how brilliant it will be after!_

Rae hadn't even realized her feet carried her to the union until she was standing at the main doors. She took a deep breath and pushed them open. She immediately felt a surge of relief as she took in the familiar scent of fried food and an assortment of different perfumes and colognes. It was a scent she'd grown fond of over her lunches with Finn because it reminded her of him.

_Him. My Finn. _

She made her way to their usual table and felt her heart drop instantly.

_That's strange. He's always here first, savin' our table. Maybe he's sittin' somewhere else. _

She walked around the union, searching for the familiar mop of brown hair but couldn't find him anywhere.

_Maybe he's runnin' late. He did have a test today… But that was for Social Psych… Which is his next lecture…_

She sat at their usual table so when he came he'd know where to find her. She was famished from her nearly three hour walk so she pulled out her sandwich and apple and started eating without him. By the time she was done eating it was nearly 12:45 and her mouth had gone dry. She'd taken to desperately glancing at the doors every time they opened, hoping she'd see him come bustling in, rapidly apologizing for being so late. That something important came up because there's no way he would have ditched their lunch.

It was 1:15 when the fire in her throat was too much to bear. She ran to the bathroom before anyone could see the tears in her eyes.

_He's not comin'… He's just not comin'… How could… No. Somethin' must've happened, Rae. There's no way he wouldn't… _

She quickly cleaned herself up and half ran to their parting place in between buildings 9 and 10 hoping she could catch him before his class. She was just about to give up and head into her lecture when she finally saw the relaxed gait of the boy who stole her heart. She could have sworn he paused for a millisecond when he saw her but kept walking like nothing happened.

"Oh, hey, Rae." His voice was distant, tired, and he had dark circles under his eyes as if he hadn't slept all weekend.

_Jesus._

"Hey! I was worried about you. Why weren't you at lunch?"

"Oh, yeah. Sorry about that. I forgot I had plans to meet Peter for lunch to study."

_What? Had plans to meet Peter? We've had lunch together every day for the past month but suddenly you're eatin' with Peter?_

"Oh, okay. Thought maybe something had happened to you." She tried to laugh like it was silly of her to even think that.

"Nope. Just lunch with Peter." He still hadn't met her eyes.

"Look, Finn-"

"I gotta get to my test. I'll see ya laters."

And he left, leaving Rae standing there openmouthed and a well of tears stinging her eyes.

Rae's sat through Victorian Lit in a haze. The words of her peers were muddled together with her own thoughts that she wasn't sure what was really said.

"Dickens wrote this novel as a way to challenge the Victorian ideal that vagrants and thieves are inherently evil. By showin' that Finn had lunch with Peter today instead of Rae shows that he thinks she's a terrible person and he clearly never wants to speak to her again."

_What? _

"He instead shows that the corrupt government is the cause of such wickedness. That a person isn't born with good or bad intentions, it's your circumstances that dictate your actions in life."

_Oh. Jesus Christ, Rae. Pull yourself together. Finn doesn't hate you and you know that. Think of what happened after he tore off like that on Friday, you slept in his bed. Maybe he's just workin' himself up to do that again but with a bit more action this time. _

The thought was petty and more than likely false, but it at the very least made Rae feel a bit better about their situation and for the first time since she walked into the union, she smiled to herself.

_Finn was really nervous about his test so maybe he really did just need to study with Peter. Because if we would have met today, he probably wouldn't have gotten any studyin' done. He really didn't get that much done on Saturday at the café. And I'm sure he didn't get any done on Saturday night after… Jesus. A lot has happened since Friday hasn't it? Everything will be fine tomorrow at lunch. You'll see, Rae. You'll see. _

This tiny glimmer of hope helped Rae get through the rest of day. When she made it back to her suite, she forced smiles when Chloe and Izzy berated her about her lunch with Finn.

"Rae!" Izzy squealed when she walked through the door. "How was lunch? Tell us everything!"

"Do we need to make popcorn?" Chloe chimed in. "Do we need to pop a bottle of champagne?"

"You guys are ridiculous." Rae faked a laugh. "We actually didn't get a chance to talk today."

"Did you two just get right down to business, then?" Chloe winked.

"Chloe!" Rae actually laughed that time. "No. I completely forgot he told me on Saturday that he'd be studyin' with Peter over lunch today, big exam and all that. So we're meetin' tomorrow."

"Oh," they both exclaimed.

"Are you okay with that, Rae?" Chloe questioned. "I mean, with waitin' another day? You didn't talk to him yesterday, or today, don't you think you should call him or go to his _tonight_?"

Rae knew she should talk to him tonight, hell she knew should she have tried harder to stop him from walking away on Saturday, but she didn't know if she could handle another conversation like the one they had outside class.

"Oh, uh, you know I would but they all have soccer club tonight so they won't be around…"

"Oh, that's right they do." Izzy agreed.

_Phew._

"All right." Chloe was skeptical. "I just wanna make sure you're okay, ya know, uh, emotionally."

"Oh, Chlo." Rae said as she wrapped her arms around her friend. "I am. I promise. Everythin' will be better tomorrow."

_It will be. _

It wasn't.

Rae walked to the union for lunch on Tuesday with the same amount of optimism and confidence that carried her there yesterday just to be let down again by a lack of Finn. For the second day in a row she sat at their table by herself anxiously waiting for the waft of CK1 to meet her nose but it never did. For the second day in a row she ate her lunch with a tight throat and misty eyes. For the second day in a row Finn skipped their lunch.

Wednesday went much of the same way and it was then she realized he was avoiding her and it broke her heart. The tightness in her throat was finally too much to bear and she sobbed her way through lunch in the disabled toilet on the third floor of the union.

_Why is he doin' this? Why is ignorin' me? He wouldn't even give me a chance to talk on Monday. I knew it was goin' to be awkward, but awkward enough to not talk at all? That's not like Finn. Granted he's not good with words but we both know I would have talked enough for the two of us. I have to know what's goin' on. _

It was about 5 o'clock when Rae followed the winding route that lead to the house on Merle Hill. She knew Finn would be home, getting ready for soccer club, and she was hoping to knock out the conversation she desperately needed to have before he left. She knew she had a one in four chance of Finn being the one to answer the door and she had a good feeling that odds were going to be in her favor. She could feel it.

**Knock. Knock. **

_Please be Finn. Please be Finn. _

"Oh, hiya, Raemundo!" It was Chop.

_Bollocks to your odds, Rae. _

"Hiya, Chopper. Uh, is Finn home?"

Chop turned his head to the left to look into the lounge. Rae saw his head shake ever so slightly in a "no" pattern as if he was having a silent conversation with someone in the other room. She tried to peek inside to see who was there but Chop turned back to her before she could get a good look.

"Uh. Sorry, Rae. He went down the pitch already." He gave a small, sympathetic smile almost like he knew what was going on.

_But his car is still here?_

"Oh, okay. Is Archie here, then?"

"Sorry, love. He's gone with Finn."

_That actually makes sense, his car isn't here. _

"Oh, all right. Thanks, Chop."

"Any time, m'dear. You comin' to our game on Saturday, then?"

"Maybe. I might go home this weekend." She swallowed the lump in her throat.

"Oh, cool. Well if you decide not to, it's at 11 at Winnemac Park."

"Right. See ya, Chop." She smiled up him.

"Laters, Raemundo!"

She actually hadn't thought about going home until she said it. And once she did, she felt like it was the only thing that made any sense. She needed her mom's smile, Karim's hug, and Jazzy's laughter. She needed Kester, too, if she was being honest. The thought of seeing them was the only thing keeping her sane.

She'd taken to late nights in the library and early morning walks to avoid Chloe and Izzy's worried stares and constant questions. She loved them and she appreciated their concern for her but there was only one person she wanted to talk and it was the one person she couldn't talk to.

Chloe drove Rae to the train station early Saturday morning and asked if she was sure she didn't want her to just drive her home herself.

"I'm sure," Rae assured her. "I like the train. It's soothin'."

"Okay. Well, ring us for anythin'! You promise?"

"Chlo, I'm only going for the night!" Rae laughed.

"I know but I'm just worried about you, babe."

"I appreciate that. I do. But I'll be fine. I just need to get away and clear my head."

"I know." She reached across the center console and gave Rae a tight squeeze. "So I'll be here tomorrow to pick you up at 5:45, then. Yeah?"

"Yeah. Have fun at the match. Give the boys my love."

"I will."

"Laters."

"Bye, babe."

Rae wasn't lying when she told Chloe she liked taking the train. Infinitely different worlds pass by the windows of a speeding train. Tall, leafy trees blur into a majestic canvas of green that bounce off the blue of the sky in the most dreamlike way. Homes and shops filled with the most diverse mix of individuals possible, all with different stories to tell, dance across the ground to cadence of the chugging train. Being a passenger flashing through all these different worlds was a freedom of which she's never known. More times than she cares to admit, she wished she could just get on a train without a destination in mind. Just pick one of the passing towns, get off, and explore the new place in which she's found herself.

At hour three of her journey, Rae's body starts to feel the stiffness of being in the same position for so long and she's glad there's only about half an hour left. When she gets off the train in Peterborough, she sees her mom standing on the platform and she instantly feels the weight of the world lifted off her shoulders. Rae runs to her as she opens her arms for the embrace and immediately collapses into the warmth her mom's hug.

"Hello, my duck." Her mom says as she kisses the top her of head.

"Hi, mum." She sniffles.

"I've missed you so much." Linda soothes as she continues to stroke Rae's hair.

"I've missed you too, mum. And Jazzy and Karim. Are they here?" She asked, finally pulling away from her mom.

"No, they're at home. I wanted to have you all to myself for a little bit." She beamed at her first born.

"Thanks, mum." Rae smiled back to her mom.

_It feels so good to be home. This is exactly what I needed. _

"So," her mom started as she bent down to pick up Rae's overnight bag. "Tell me everythin', then."

"Jesus, where to begin?" Rae sighed.

Rae and her mom filled the tiny car with their lively voices on the 30 minute drive from Peterborough to Stamford. Her mom had oohed and awed at the appropriate moments and she almost crashed the car when she jerked her head towards Rae when she said Liam had come to campus to see her. Rae actually had to laugh because she still couldn't believe it happened, a whole week later and she still thought it was all a dream. When she was telling her mom about what was happening with Finn, she cried a bit more than she intended to but the two of them had come a long way together through Rae's recovery. It took her years to realize that her one true best friend was her mom. She was the one person Rae could tell anything to and she would never think any less of her for it. They saved each other's life in more ways than one. Rae loved and respected her not only because she was the woman who raised her but because she was the kind of woman she wanted to be.

"And that's where I'm at now." She said as she ended the saga of Finn. "I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to speak to me anymore."

"Oh, I'm sure that's not true, Rae. He's a 19-year-old boy. Just give him some time. I'm sure it was just as hard for him to see _Liam_ as it was you to see him. It's not every day you bear your soul to the girl you love just for her ex-boyfriend to show up with some flowers."

"I know. It's just, he's my best mate, ya know? And he's not talkin' to me and it's hard. I just – Mum, where're ya goin'?" Rae asked as her mom took the wrong road home. "Are we not goin' home first?"

"Oh, no." Her mom answered bashfully.

Rae recognized the route they were taking and sure enough the aging wooden sign that read "Stamford Cemetery" appeared just past the large oak tree on the left side of the road.

"Mum-"

"I know you don't just want to talk to me about this. So I figured I'd drive you here, let you have your time, and then you can walk home whenever you're ready." Her mom smiled at her as she put the car in park next to the stone path that lead up to Tixy's resting place.

"How'd ya know?" Rae swiped at her eyes as the tears started falling again.

"How many times do I have to tell ya, Rae? A mother always knows." She winked at her. "Now, go. Take your time. We'll be at home whenever you get there."

"Thanks, mum." She whispered as she leaned over to give her mom a kiss on the cheek.

"Tell her I said, 'hello.'" She smiled back.

All Rae could do was nod.

She got out of the car, took a deep, steadying breath, and made her way up the stone path. When she got there, she let her memory guide her to the marble stone that read:

Tina Alexandria Withers  
March 23, 1981 – November 29, 1997  
Beloved daughter and loyal friend

Rae let her fingers trace across the cold stone before she sat in front of it. She admired all the gifts that were there, including the still slightly fresh flowers that must've been laid on Sunday past.

She looked at her friend's name for a long time before she finally spoke.

"Hi, Tixy. The flowers here are beautiful. Danny really took it to heart when ya told him ya like tulips, there's about two dozen here all in different colors. You'd love 'em." She laughed, imagining what Tixy's face would look like if she could see them.

"I'm sorry I'm so late. I was caught up in my own stuff for a while. Can ya forgive me? I need at least one of ya to. I'm a mess, Tixy, and I don't even know where to start. For the second time in my life I've lost my best friend and I could do nothing to stop it. I feel like the world has fallen out from under me and I feel like I can't catch my breath. It hurts to even try. Everythin' hurts. So much. I just don't understand how he could do that to me, Tix. How could he just abandon me like that and act like everythin' we've shared means nothin'? How do ya go from spendin' everyday together to bein' completely okay avoidin' them for a whole week and makin' up such stupid excuses not to see them? I don't understand how he thought that wouldn't hurt me. I can't even begin to think he did it on purpose but at the same time, it's all I can think about. That he's purposely doin' it, purposely tryin' to hurt me to soothe his own deflated ego."

Rae's tears were falling freely now and she let them.

"But that's not him. I know it's not. He's the kindest man I've ever met, which makes this hurt so much more. I want so badly to be angry with him but I can't bring myself to that. I told him things I've never told anyone, not even you, Tixy. I trusted him and I thought he trusted me. He told me he trusted me. How do you go from tellin' someone you're in love with them to not even bein' able to stand in the same room for more than a minute? Even if he doesn't love me anymore, he's still my best friend. I'd rather be in his life as just a friend than not be in his life at all. I can't imagine my life without him bein' in it, Tix, and I don't even want to try. I can't imagine not talkin' to him or listenin' to the sound of his laugh. I can't imagine not seein' his eyes light up when he smiles and I can't imagine not spendin' the rest of my life getting' to know him because there's still so much to learn. He's a good person, Tix, and I need good people in my life, even if they don't need me in theirs. For the first time since you left, I felt like someone actually understood me for who I was and not who they wanted me to be. I'm tryin' so hard to put up this façade for Chloe and Izzy and everyone but it's crumblin' with every passin' day where he doesn't talk to me. Is he even thinkin' about me? Is he missin' me like I'm missin' him? I really can't see how he could be if he's purposely not talkin' to me."

She tried to catch her breath before she continued but it was ragged and it hurt. She was practically screaming out her emotions now and it felt wonderful to finally get it all off her chest.

"This isn't fair, Tixy! None of it is! I can't talk to ya because you can't be here and I can't talk to him because he chooses not to be and I don't know which hurts me more."

She slumped against the headstone, the cool marble refreshing against her hot cheeks, as she continued to openly weep for her two lost friends.

"I miss ya so much, Tixy. So much. Why'd ya have to leave me like this, huh?'

She sat crying for a few minutes before she felt two strong hands on her shoulder bring her into a hug. At first she thought it was her mom or Karim but then she smelt the distinct scent of tobacco and CK1.

_Finn. _

She started sobbing even harder. Clutching his shirt and brining him closer to her, feeling the strength of his love cover her body whole.

"Shh…" He said tracing his fingers up and down her back. "Shhh. I'm here. I'm right here."


	10. Chapter 10

The rain started as a soft whisper but was steadily growing stronger. Rae knew they'd have to take cover eventually but for now she didn't mind being damp because leaving the rain would mean leaving Finn's arms and she wasn't ready to do that yet. Not when she hadn't seen his eyes or his smile or heard his laugh in a week. She never thought someone would be able to affect her in the way that Finn did. She always laughed at those ridiculous love songs or other foolish girls that said they couldn't breathe without a certain person. "Those songs are such rubbish," she would always say. But now that Finn was in her arms she finally understood. She was finally breathing right.

_I can't believe he's here. He's actually here. Solid and breathin'. _

A loud crack of lightning and a rumbling roll of thunder finally freed Rae and Finn from each other's arms. Rae searched Finn's face as if it was the first time she ever saw him. The rain had left his fringe plastered to his forehead and she couldn't tell if the wetness of his cheeks was due to the rain or his own tears. He reached up to wipe the tears from her eyes, his touch hot on her cheek, when a heaping bead of water landed on his hand. The two of them looked up to the sky just as it was opening up and a downpour of water started dancing around them.

"C'mon!" Finn grabbed her hand and they sprinted for the aged mausoleum a few yards away.

By the time they reached shelter they were drenched from head to toe and Rae couldn't help but laugh at the irony of their situation.

"This is so cliché, innit?" She laughed as she watched water droplets form a small puddle at the base of the steps.

Finn chuckled but said nothing as he continued watching the storm. The loud _pitter patter _tapping the tarnished copper ceiling circled the quiet crypt and suddenly Rae's anger with Finn was back.

"Why'd you do it?" Her voice shook like the thunder outside but she was determined to know. She _had _to know. No matter what it cost.

"Do what?" He asked as he turned to look at her for the first time since they left Tix's grave.

"Don't play stupid. Not with me, Finn. Why'd you do it?"

"Why didn't you tell me about that Liam guy? Or your friend out there?" Finn's voice raised half a level to be heard over the rain.

Rae awkwardly shifted her weight from leg to the other trying to find the proper way to explain her complete omission of this part of her past.

"I, uh, I guess I didn't want to bore you with it." She admitted, shyly playing the hands of her jacket.

"What're talkin' about? 'Bore me?'" Finn asked with a slight tone of exasperation.

"I didn't think it was worth mentionin'…"

"Rae, your best mate is dead and you don't think it was worth mentionin' to me?" He questioned, anguish written all over his face. It broke Rae's heart but all she could do was shrug her shoulders.

_Say somethin'!_

"No." He started shaking his head in disbelief. "You know what this is? You didn't trust me enough to let me know this part of ya. I thought ya trusted me." He dejectedly dropped his shoulders.

"I do!" She half yelled, tears welling in her eyes desperate to fall. "I do trust ya, Finn. This wasn't a matter of trust-"

"Of course it was! This," he motioned between the two of them. "You and I. We're _built_ on a matter of trust, Rae. And you didn't trust me enough to let me in. Why won't you let me in?"

"I don't let anyone in." Rae was defensive now. She crossed her arms over her chest and turned her body away from him slightly.

"Why?"

"It's safer that way."

"Safer for who, Rae?" He walked over to her, lifting her chin forcing her to look at him. Her hazel eyes, glossy with unshed tears, met his warm chocolate irises and she visibly softened in his gaze.

"Everyone."

"How's that safer for everyone?"

"It saves me the heart break and you the humiliation." Her whisper was barely audible over the ping of the rain on the roof.

"I genuinely have no idea what you're talkin' about."

"You wouldn't understand."

"I want to, though. Why can't you see that?"

"No, you don't." She looked him square in the eyes before she turned away to sit on the marble bench in the middle of the silent tomb. The sound of the storm lost to Rae now that she was in her own mind. Finn quietly walked over and sat next to her. He was still for a few moments before he softly grabbed her hand.

"Rae." His eyes were quietly imploring her to listen to him. To trust him. "There's nothin' I don't wanna know about you."

"I don't want you to think differently of me…"

"Never."

"So you wanna know about Liam and about Tixy?" Rae's heart was rattling around in her throat.

Finn nodded. "I wanna know everythin'."

"Well, first you should know, I'm proper mental. You don't know what it's like up here." She pointed to her head and faked a smile that didn't meet her eyes. "I've been mind fucked, every single day, since I was 8, whether it was other people or my own doin'. When you're told somethin' over and over and over every day for years, you start to believe it yourself, ya know? You're not good enough. You're never goin' to be good enough. It becomes a part of you and there's no way to shake it. Bein' trapped in your own poisoned head is more dangerous than holdin' a loaded gun. And there's no way out because you're stuck with it, forever. Believe me, I tried gettin' out of it. I hurt myself tryin' to escape. I have scars on my soul and my body from how much I desperately hated myself and wanted to not exist anymore. When I was 16, I took it a bit too far and ended up in a mental ward for four months. That's where I met Liam and Tixy…"

He listened to her hash out the darkest part of her life with rapt attention, never once taking his eyes off her face. He asked questions when he was confused or wanted a little more clarity. He appeared to be exceptionally appreciative of Kester. "He sounds like Ms. Pam," he said with a fond smile. Finn said he wanted to know everything so Rae told him _everything_. No detail was too small, no problem too big. He listened with the grace of an angel and the eyes of a man falling even more in love.

_Finn's a great listener. He's gunna make an excellent therapist one day. _

"So that's why Liam showed up last week. He was tryin' to apologize for missin' her funeral."

"What a wanker." He said with a harsh laugh.

Rae had to laugh, too, but she became thoughtful. "But I think he's actually makin' progress in therapy. The Liam I _used _to know would have never been bothered to drive two and a half hours just to apologize. Maybe he's finally takin' his recovery seriously."

_Yeah, it really seems like he has come a long way… _

"Did you – Are you two, uh, did you two make up or somethin'?" He asked with the smallest quiver in his voice.

"NO! Nononononono," Rae answered shaking her head with each 'no' she uttered. "Absolutely not. No."

Finn was laughing now, moving his hands in a calm down motion. "All right, all right."

Rae matched his laugh as she looked around the tomb. The rain finally steadied to a persistent drizzle and the bleak December sun was shying behind the clouds.

"God, this really is a cliché." She laughed to herself.

"What's so cliché about it?" Finn asked looking around the tomb himself.

"I mean, it's taken me a long time to get here and it's always gunna be a struggle, but I finally feel… Healed, I guess. Like I'm sayin' goodbye to the pain of my past and I'm kinda layin' it to rest. And I'm in a fuckin' crypt and there was a fuckin' thunderstorm, death and rebirth all in the same place. Someone could write a really shitty book about this."

"_Turn of the Screw _shitty or _Tale of Two Cities _shitty?" Finn asked with a cheeky grin.

"Ugh. Neither." She turned her face into a mock grimace. "Who knows? Maybe I'll be the one who writes the shitty book about it." She beamed at him.

"Yeah?" He asked meeting her smile. "What would ya call it?"

"Hmmm…" She mused over the possible titles of her fake book for a few seconds before she spoke again. "_Kiss the Rain Goodbye_." She held a proud smile.

"Yeah, definitely sounds like a shitty book." He grinned back to her and jumped as she tried to swat his arm.

"You cheeky bastard." She giggled.

_He's back. We're back. _

"Right, well it looks like the rain has let up." He stated as he looked out of the crypt. "Wanna get out of here?"

"Yes! I'm starved." She didn't realize how hungry she was until she felt her stomach grumble at its lack of food. "Oh, do you want to come to mine for dinner? Wait a minute." Rae stopped as if she all of a sudden realized Finn was there. "How did you even know where I was?"

"Oh, Chloe gave me a right earful this mornin' when she got to our match. Said if I didn't go make things right with you straight away she was gunna kick me in nads. And I don't know if you know this, but I'm quite attached to 'em. Would prefer not to have 'em kicked in." He winked as he opened the car door for her. "No, but seriously, she was right. It was time to make things right." He nonchalantly shrugged as he closed the door and made his way to the driver's side.

_It took Chloe threatenin' to kick you in the balls to talk to me?_

"It took Chloe threatenin' to kick you in the balls to talk to me?" The heat from her anger was billowing out of her like the steam out of kettle. "Are you fuckin' kiddin' me, Finn? You ignored me. For. A. Week. You really hurt me, Finn. And ya know what? Ya never answered my question: Why? Why'd ya do it?"

Finn wasn't looking at Rae when she finished speaking but was instead looking at his white knuckles gripping the steering wheel, ashamed of his actions.

"I swear I never meant to hurt ya, Rae. Fuck. I'm so sorry I hurt ya. I was just embarrassed, I guess. I thought you and that guy were gunna get back together. I mean, he had daises for fuck's sake and I know they're your favorite and I was embarrassed that I let myself believe…" He trailed off, cheeks blazing scarlet.

_He remembered that daisies are my favorite? We talked about that so long ago… Wait. Did he actually think I could't have feelings for him? That I could ever possibly choose Liam over him? Like Liam could even hold a candle to Finn. But you never told him about Liam, Rae. How was he supposed to know all this! Idiot. _

"That doesn't mean you ignore me, Finn. You talk to me, cause what you and I have," she motioned between the two of them, mimicking Finn's voice. "Is built on a matter of trust."

His eyes snapped to her face in time to see her small triumphant smile.

"Oi," he laughed. "Don't use my own words against me, ya dickhead!"

"Well if the shoe fits," she rebutted, squinching her nose at him.

He was laughing as he took her hands in his, his eyes shining sincerely. "You're right, though."

_I usually am. _

"I shouldn't have ignored ya like that. From the very bottom of my heart, I apologize. I'm sorry for all the pain I caused ya and I promise, for as long as we both shall live, I will do everything in my power to make sure ya never feel that way again. Can ya please forgive me?"

It was a promise to protect her from her own thoughts and the thoughts of the world. It was a promise to love her for the rest of their lives and, no matter what capacity Finn meant it in, Rae knew he'd more than live up to it.

"Yeah," she swallowed the lump in her throat. "Yeah. I forgive ya." They smiled at each other.

_Now kiss me, you idiot! He's not makin' a move… Do I? Just lean over and kiss him… Just do it! _

Rae started to lean in just as Finn turned to start the engine.

_Ugggh. _

"Right, where am I goin'?" Finn asked as he turned down the main road out of the cemetery. Rae gave him the directions to her house and all along the way she was pointing out landmarks that were special to her.

"That record store was my solace in college. I tried to get a job there but they told me I was too young." She shrugged.

"You probably woulda been shit at it anyways. Tryin' to tell people _Morning Glory _is the better Oasis album and all that."

"'Ey!" She squealed and gave him a small shove.

"Oi, you're gunna make me crash!"

"Take it back, Finnley!" She demanded, one arm raised, ready to strike.

"All right, all right." He laughed. "I take it back."

"Good." She smiled victoriously at him.

When they pulled up to her house, Rae saw the curtains of the kitchen window flutter and her mother's knowing smile peering behind it, telling her to take her time coming in. There was a tension in the car that Rae couldn't quite put her finger on. It wasn't awkward or uncomfortable; they were both just _nervous. _

"Ahem." Finn was the first to speak. "Uh, so I know Chlo was gunna pick you up tomorrow but, uh, I was just kinda wonderin' if, maybe, I could?"

"I'd love that." She beamed

He eagerly turned to her, as if he was surprised by her answer. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." She laughed at his keenness.

"Brilliant." He smiled to her. "Right, uh, well, have a good night and I'll see ya tomorrow, yeah?"

"Yeah. Uh, thanks. Ya know. For everythin'." She opened her arms for a hug.

"Thanks for lettin' me come back." He whispered into her neck as he embraced her.

"Ya never really left." She smiled as her head rested on his shoulder.

When they parted, Finn placed a tender kiss on her cheek. "Tomorrow."

"Tomorrow." She smiled back to him as she got out of the car and made her way into her home.

_Well, my former home. My new home is now drivin' back to uni. Gah. You're such a sappy git, ain't ya._

When she closed the front door behind her, two tiny arms wrapped themselves around her knees. "Wae-Wae!" Jazzy mumbled.

"Little one!" Rae scooped Jasmine up into her arms and cuddled her close.

"My nails!" She squealed as she pushed her hands in Rae's face showing they were painted pink.

"Oh, they're so pretty. Did you paint them yourself?" Rae smiled to her sister.

"No!" Jasmine laughed. "Mummy did it!"

"My Rae! My girls!" Karim declared as he came down the stairs and wrapped his daughters into a hug. "You are wet?" He questioned.

"Oh, yeah. We got caught in the storm"

"We?" Karim's face scrunched in confusion.

"Uh-"

"Rae, love," Linda butted in. "Run upstairs and put on some dry clothes before you catch cold. Then you can tell us all about the boy in the car." She added with a wink.

"Boy?" Karim's tranquil appearance turned to protective father in an instance. "What boy?"

"She'll explain when she gets warm."

"Wae, come see what I did to our woom!" Rae put Jasmine on the ground and her small hand instantly clasped itself around Rae's as she pulled her upstairs.

Jasmine's little legs weren't able to take the stairs as fast as Rae so she had time to peruse the framed pictures lining the wall that weren't there three months prior. There was the picture of Jasmine smashing her first birthday cake in Rae's face instead of her own. There was the picture of her, her mum, and Karim on their wedding day. There was the picture of her and her mom in front of Big Ben when she was eight. And there was the picture she sent her mom of her, Chloe, and Izzy on Halloween.

_Aw, mum. _

Jasmine pushed open the door of Rae's old room and she was pleased to see it didn't change very much. Her bed was still there just pushed to the corner to make room for Jazzy's "big girl bed" as she called it. What was left of her troll collection still sat on the windowsill and it looked as if Jasmine had taken a pair of scissors to one of their heads of hair.

_Oh, she probably got a right spankin' for that. _

She smiled to herself when she saw all the pages that have been cut out of coloring books with random lines and squiggles all over them. She got to one that that had two shapes on it, vaguely resembling the human form and underneath all the crayon markings she could clearly make out two words in her mother's script: Jasmine and Rae.

"Jazzy, is this us?" She asked her.

"A-huh! At Mr. Tom's we was colorin' and he told me to color my favoritest person in the whole wild world. That's you," She pointed to the long shape on the right. "And that's me." She looked up to see tears in Rae's eyes. "Wae-Wae, why're ya cryin'? Are ya sad?"

"No, I'm not sad, Jazzy. I'm cryin' cause I'm happy." She smiled down to her. The look of pure confusion on her baby sister's face made her laugh. "Come here." She wrapped Jasmine in her arms again, gently kissing her ebony curls. "I love you Jasmine Elizabeth Bouchtat."

"I wuv you, Wae-Wae." Her perfect head rested in the crook of Rae's neck.

Twenty minutes later the two sisters made it down the stairs again, Jasmine riding on Rae's back, to the smell of stew being made.

"Mmm. Mum it smells delicious." Rae commented as she set Jasmine down to play with her dolls.

"Beef stew with red potatoes, duck. Perfect for a gloomy day like today."

"What about boy?" Karim interjected leaning against the countertop with his arms folded across his body.

"Oh, Karim." Rae laughed. "You have nothin' to worry about with that one. Complete opposite of Liam he is."

Linda's eyes lit up. "So that's Finn is it, then?"

"Yeah," Rae smiled at the sound of his name as she sat at the small table in the kitchen. "Yeah, that was Finn."

"I told ya, ya just needed to give him some time. It was real sweet of him to come see ya here. How'd he know where to find you?"

"Chloe told him. Apparently she threatened to kick him in the balls if he didn't come talk to me."

Linda full body laughed. "She sounds like a good friend to you, Rae."

_She's more than that. Izzy, too. _

"She is. I'm so grateful for her and Izzy, honestly. That was nice of ya to hang our picture up, mum."

"Of course. You're important to us and they're important to you. Therefore, they're important to us. I'd love to meet them sometime. Finn, too." She added with a wink.

"Well, when were you lot thinkin' about comin' to visit? Can you come for my birthday?" Rae asked, excitement coursing through her body.

Linda started shaking her head "no" but Karim was positively giddy and beat her to the punch. "Yes. We come for your birthday!"

"Ahem. We were a thinkin' of comin' for your birthday," Linda started. "But as a surprise!" She said through gritted teeth to Karim.

"What? You were goin' to surprise me?!" Rae exclaimed.

"Sorry." Karim said not meeting Linda's blazing eyes. "I am excited."

"Aw, mum. Don't be angry with Karim! I'm so excited, too!"

"We were even goin' to give you your present and have cake tonight to throw you off." Linda responded, turning back to her stew.

"Well, I mean. You can _still _give me my present tonight. And when do we ever say no to cake in this family?" Rae replied with a sly grin.

"Please?" Karim pleaded with Linda.

"Oh, all right."

Rae could hear Karim pounding up the stairs to the landing cupboard to retrieve whatever her present was going to be. Rae stood up from her chair and walked over to her mother and wrapped her arms around her.

"Thanks, mum."

Linda put her spoon down and turned to give Rae a full hug. "Of course, love."

Karim was slightly out of breath when he came back with a large, beautifully wrapped parcel in his hands. Jasmine waddled herself into the kitchen to see what all the commotion was about as Karim put the box on the table. "Open! Open!"

Rae sat down at the table again as Jasmine climbed into her lap. "What's that?"

"It's Rae's birthday present, Jasmine." Linda answered as she took the stew off its heat.

"Wanna help me open it?" Rae whispered into her sister's ear. Jasmine's brown eyes grew twice their normal size as she quickly nodded up and down.

They took turns pulling ribbons off the box, Rae tying a pink one in Jazzy's hair, until the box was finally free. Rae lifted the lid to find a gorgeous navy blue, wool pea coat with wooden toggles inside.

"You guys. It's… beautiful! Thank you!" Rae cried as she went to give her mom and Karim a hug. "You guys didn't have to do this! It's too much!"

"No. Not too much." Karim smiled down to her.

"You deserve it, Rae." Linda explained as Rae threw her arms around her. "You're a sophisticated university student now so you need a sophisticated coat. Try it on!"

"I love it!" Rae expressed as she looped the last toggle. "I absolutely love it!"

"Wae-Wae, you're pwetty!"

"Well thank ya, Jazz." She replied, give her nose a small boop.

"You like the color?" Karim questioned.

"There was also red but we figured this could go with more." Linda added.

_It's Finn's favorite color. And the color of his bed sheets. Not the time, Rae. _

"The color is perfect! I love navy blue!"

Linda started scooping the stew while Rae carefully folded her coat and delicately placed it in the box.

_I'll wear it tomorrow when Finn picks me up. He'll love it. _

Even though things were back to normal with Finn, being home was the still the refresher Rae needed. The house was filled with so much laughter and love and Rae couldn't help but be at complete and utter peace for the first time in a long while.

_Life is pretty epically awesome at the moment. Things are wonderful with Finn. We talked, he apologized, and he wants me in his future. My friends are amazin'. And although my family is just a little crazy and unconventional, it's mine and it's perfect. _

Rae was lying in her bed, Jasmine curled up into her side, when there was a soft knock on the door.

"Come in."

Linda's head peeked through. "Chloe is on the phone for you, love."

"Oh, thanks, mum." She answered as Linda crossed to the room to hand her the receiver. Quietly admiring her daughters curled up together as she did so.

"Good night, chuck."

"Night, mum. Hey, Chlo."

"Oh my gosh! We have been waitin' for you to ring us all day! How was your talk with Finn?" Rae could practically feel Chloe's excitement through the phone.

"Yeah, leave nothin' out, Rae!" Izzy squealed.

"Oh, you guys. It was brilliant. He held me while I cried. He apologized for bein' a right knobhead. And, get this, he said that he wants to be a part of my life 'for as long as we both shall live!'"

The two girls on the other end shrieked in delight.

"That's so excitin', Rae! So what's next for you two?" Chloe asked.

"I'm not really sure. We didn't really talk about that. Oh, but, Chlo. He's pickin' me up from the train tomorrow. Hope you don't mind."

"Mind? Are you daft, Rae? Of course I don't mind! Maybe he's gunna take you on a date!" Chloe wondered.

"Oh, you two are just so perfect for each other." Izzy said brightly.

Jasmine stirred next to Rae who remained motionless, silently praying she wasn't about to wake up.

"Rae?" Chloe asked making sure she was still there.

"Sorry, Jazzy is asleep next to me and didn't want to wake her. But I should go, just in case. I'll talk to you guys tomorrow, yeah?"

"Yeah," they both responded.

"Leave nothin' out!" Izzy insisted before they hung up.

"Oh, I won't." Rae laughed.

_Who knows, maybe there'll be even more to tell. _


	11. Chapter 11

**One Week Ago **

Finn held the door of the little café open for Rae as they stepped out into the tranquil late November night. Not a soul in the world was wandering the calm, tree- lined streets besides the two of them. The sun was slowly descending beyond the trees, leaving the sky a striking blend of purple and orange, casting a glorious light upon them as they walked in comfortable silence. Finn never minded silence. Sometimes moments, such as this, were just too perfect to have the air filled with mindless noise. The silence between them was the most comfortable thing Finn had ever experienced.

He'd only known her four short weeks but that was all he needed. From the second he met her something clicked in his mind and his heart and he felt as if everything in his life led up to that moment. He never believed in the term "soul mates," he wasn't even sure he believed in real, true love. He'd be in love before, or at least what he thought was love, but this was different. _Rae_ was different. His life never really made sense until she waltzed herself into it.

He was in love with her, there was no denying that. He'd been trying to pinpoint the exact moment he realized he was in love with her all day and it all came down to the first time they ate lunch together. He'd seen her from across the union and was captivated by the way she read. Watching her read felt like invading her most vulnerable and private thoughts, but he couldn't allow himself look away. The way her hazel eyes skimmed across the page and her lashes fluttered on her cheeks enthralled him to where he almost couldn't breathe. He never read any of the books she had but when small smiles danced on her lips when she found something funny, or when her eyebrows scrunched in confusion she was exposing the most vulnerable part of her soul to the world and his reached out to meet it.

A soft breeze blew golden leaves off a nearby tree and Finn watched as Rae hugged his leather jacket tighter to her body. He never knew it was possible to be jealous of an inanimate object. He ached to be what kept her warm. His hand was itching to reach out and grab hers and lace their fingers together. She already carried his heart in her hands and he longed to feel her heart beat in his own.

_Tonight, Finn. You have to tell her tonight. The longer you wait the more it will eat you alive not to know if she feels the same. Today was perfect. There will never be a more perfect moment._

"I really like this place, ya know?" Finn looked around their small university town with a fond smile.

"Yeah, it's got somethin', doesn't it?" She answered, her eyes sparkling from the glow of the setting sun.

"It's crazy to think how different my life is now because I chose to come here. Like, my life could have gone in a completely different direction had I gone somewhere else, ya know? My friends would be different. Who knows, maybe even my future wife." He turned to her and smiled, hoping she followed where he was trying to lead the conversation.

_It's true, though. If I hadn't come here, would I still have met Rae? What if she hadn't come here? _

"I know exactly what you mean. I almost didn't come here but then I came for a tour and it just felt right, like I could imagine my life here. Is that weird?"

"Not at all. I know exactly what you mean. Arch and I came for a tour when we were in college and we felt the same way."

_That settles it then. We were supposed to come here and meet. It's fate. Oh, god. You're turnin' into Archie, mate._

"Did you two always know you wanted to go to university together?"

"I don't think it was somethin' we ever actively thought about. I just think we knew it would be weird if we weren't constantly around each other. I mean, I've seen him every day of my life since I was 6. I think we'd fall apart without each other, actually." A nostalgic smile spread across his face as he thought about everything he and Archie had been through together. Archie was his rock when his mom left and his dad lost his way. Finn was his protector when he came out and certain people felt it was their job to tell him how disgusting he was. There's nothing one wouldn't do for the other.

"I think it's great that you two have each other like that." It filled his heart to know how much Rae cared for Archie.

"Do you have a friend like that?"

"Nah, not really." He watched as a downhearted expression fell on her face.

_Shit, salvage it, Finn. Salvage it!_

"Well, you have Chloe and Izzy and they're pretty close, yeah?" He grinned at her, hoping it would bring back the happy Rae from 30 seconds ago.

"Yeah, I guess you're right." She didn't meet his eyes.

_Fuck. How did I mess this up already?! Shit, there's her dorm. You have to do it now, Finn. You have to do it now!_

"Uh, ahem, Rae. I want to talk to you about last night-" He started to say but Rae cut him off.

"Finn, you don't have to say anything." There was an understanding in her eyes that gave Finn the courage to go on.

"I know I don't have to, but I want to. I know I told you a few weeks ago how pleased I am that I met ya, but I don't think you truly understand what that means to me." He needed to reach out and touch her, any part of her, just to know that she was real. But his nerves had the best of him and his hands were shaking uncontrollably.

_Deep breaths._

"The only other person I've ever been able to talk to about my mum, besides Ms. Pam and my dad, is Archie. And he's my best mate and I guess, in a way, you've also become my best mate. And I – I really value our friendship and that I know I can talk to you like that, ya know? I trust you so much, Rae, and trust is a hard thing for me to give. And Jesus, you make me laugh so fuckin' hard. Harder than any person I've ever met. And there's – there's somethin' I've been wantin' to tell ya for a while now and I know if I don't say it now, I feel like I never will."

He looked up to see Rae's eyes were hazy with unshed tears. "What?" She barely whispered.

Finn took a deep breath before he spoke. This next sentence, this monstrous eight word sentence, was about to alter the course of his life forever. Once it was out, there was no going back. And he never wanted anything more.

"Rae, I think I'm in love with you."

A thousand different emotions flashed across her face and Finn couldn't tell which one she was feeling the most.

"Finn, I-" But what she was about to say, Finn would never know.

"Rae?" A figure from the shadows of the parking lot emerged and Finn felt his heart drop to his stomach.

_Not fuckin' again! Who is this, twat? Are those… Are those flowers?_

"Liam?" Rae was exasperated.

_Liam? Who the fuck is Liam?_

"What're ya doin' here?" Her face turned sour. There was a fire in her eyes and such malice in her voice that she was almost unrecognizable to Finn.

Finn racked his brain, trying to remember if there was ever mention of a Liam. There wasn't.

"Rae… Who's this?" He asked, terrified to hear the answer.

"No one." She snarled in the direction of Liam. "He's no one, Finn. C'mon. Let's go inside." Her hand was cold as ice as she tried to pull him away but Finn was stubborn. He wanted answers and he wanted them now.

"Who is he, Rae? And why'd he bring you flowers?" Finn's heart was no longer in his stomach. It was now a wretched taste in his mouth as he realized the flowers in Liam's hand were daisies.

_They're her favorite. _

"She's not told you about me, eh?" Finn realized this was the first time he spoke since his abrupt arrival. "I'm her ex-boyfriend."

Finn's eyes shot to Rae. He's not sure why it bothered him so much. He had exes, plenty of them, but it was the way Rae was reacting to him that made him uneasy.

_Is she still in love with him? Is that what she goin' to tell me? Did they ever actually break up? Why does he have flowers?_

"Why'd you bring her those?" He pointed a shaking finger to the bouquet in Liam's hand.

Rae was still trying to pull him inside but he was having none of it. Liam was here for some reason and Finn wanted to know what it was.

"They're for tomorrow." Liam lifted the daisies in Rae's direction with a small smile on his face.

_What's tomorrow?_

"I don't want them."

_What the fuck is tomorrow?_

"What's tomorrow?" He half yelled, wondering what Rae could have possibly kept from him.

_I thought we told each other everythin'?_

"Jesus Christ, Rae. Do ya not tell your boyfrien' anythin'?" Liam looked incredulous at Rae.

Finn felt a small bout of pride fill his body at the thought of Liam thinking he was Rae's boyfriend.

_Boyfriend. I like the sound of that._

Rae was looking at her shoes when she finally spoke. "He's not my boyfriend."

Finn felt the rush of a thousand heart breaks. He felt empty and numb, like the wind had been knocked out of him and the world fell from beneath his feet.

"Right. No. I guess I'm not." His voice broke on the last word and it took everything in him not let the tears burning his eyes fall. He wouldn't give Liam the pleasure.

"You know what?" He started, looking between the two of them. "I'm just gunna go. Rae-" There were so many things he wanted to say to her but none of them could even begin to lessen the pain he was feeling, so he said nothing. "Never mind." And he turned to the direction of Merle Hill. He knew she was shouting after him to stay but all he could hear was "He's not my boyfriend" repeated over and over at full volume. The pain sat heavy on his chest like a brick and he was too weak to lift it up.

_How could I have been so stupid? How did I read it all wrong?_

When Finn opened the door to his house, he found three perfectly happy and in love couples sitting on the couch watching a movie. It made him nauseous.

"Hiya, Finn!" Archie beamed at his friend. "Wanna join us?"

But Finn ignored him and bolted up the stairs to his room. When he closed the door he slumped against it and finally let his tears fall. He never let himself cry, not since his mother left, and they felt foreign and hot on his cheeks. He was angry for so many different reasons. He was angry that Liam ruined the perfect evening they were having. He was angry that he was crying. But mostly, he was angry that he let himself believe Rae loved him, too.

If this was 10 years ago, he would have punched a hole straight through the dry wall, probably breaking his hand in the process, but he knew better. He had different ways of coping now. He walked over to his record player and reached for his well-worn "The Queen is Dead" album. Finn put the needle on "I Know It's Over" and fell face forward onto his bed. He took a deep calming breath and breathed in the ever so familiar scent of Rae's shampoo and choked back another sob.

**Knock. Knock.**

"Go away, Archie. I'm fine." He lifted his head from the pillow and shouted to the closed door.

"When has listenin' to The Smiths ever indicated a Nelson man was fine?" Archie shouted back.

Knowing Archie would come in anyway, he stayed silent. Finn couldn't help but smile at how well his friend knew him when he quietly opened the door and laid next to him on his bed. The two stayed silent, letting Morrissey's whine fill the room.

"It's so easy to laugh. It's so easy to hate. It takes strength to be gentle and kind." Archie softly sang next to him. "Ya know, I always thought the line described you perfectly."

Finn turned from his stomach to his back to talk to Archie. "Why?"

Archie adjusted his glasses on the bridge of nose. "I mean, 'cause he's right. It does take guts and strength to be gentle and kind when you have so much anger. And when we were kids, you were so angry and it was easy for you because you had so much rage and you just needed to let it out. But then, I don't know, once you started seeing Ms. Pam and your dad got better, you were back to being the gentle and kind Finn I always knew you as. And I know you still struggle with it and I just always thought you were so strong to not let it consume you. You're the strongest person I know, Finn."

Finn smiled affectionately at his best friend. "Thanks, Arch."

"Anytime, mate. Now. Are ya gunna tell me what happened or am I just gunna have to listen to The Smiths on blast for a week?"

Finn had never been more grateful for Archie. He always knew just what to say to make him laugh when he needed it.

"Rae happened. " He said meekly.

"Ah, right. Out with it then."

"Well, we had this great day together where we were laughin' and jokin' like we always do and after last night, I don't know, I felt like maybe she felt the same way, too. And so I walked her back to her suite and I, uh, I told her how I feel."

"Atta boy, Finny!"

"And then her ex-boyfriend showed up."

"Oh, fuck."

"Oh, fuck indeed. With flowers for something goin' on tomorrow."

"What's tomorrow?"

"I haven't a clue, mate. She never told me anythin' about it. Did she ever say anythin' to you?"

"No." Archie thought, shaking his head. "I didn't even know she had an ex-boyfriend. I mean, I figured as much with all the times we've played 'Never Have I Ever' but no one she's ever mentioned by name. What was he like?"

_Twatish._

"I don't know. Big, Irish, kinda crass. Rae seemed really uncomfortable that he was there and I think she might still be in love with him, which is why she never mentioned him."

"Why do you think she's still in love with him?"

"Cause he called me her boyfriend and she said I wasn't."

"Oooh." Archie sighed. "The Smiths."

"The Smiths." Finn answered dolefully.

The two lay in silence, letting the white noise of the record player wash over them before the next song kicked on.

"So what're ya gunna do?" Archie asked a few minutes later.

"What d'ya mean?"

"Well, are ya gunna just sit back and do nothin' or are ya gunna fight for her?'

"Do I even have that as an option, though?" Finn huffed out.

"Course you do, mate!"

"I don't even know if I want to, ya know?" He confessed. "I don't know if I can be around her. It's out there now, Arch. I can never take it back. And it was so embarassin'. I told her I love her and she just stood there, starin' at her shoes, tellin' some twat I'm not her boyfriend. I mean, I know I'm not but I was really hopin' she would, I don't know, say 'yeah, ya know what? He is my boyfriend.' And I just – I just keep imagin' them laughin' at me after I left." Finn ran his hands through his hair timidly.

"Oh, Finn." Archie sighed sympathetically. "Not only is Rae your best mate, but she's a good person. You know she'd never do anything like that."

"You're right. I know you're right, but I just can't stop myself from thinkin' it, ya know?"

Archie nodded his understanding and remained silent. He knew Finn was done talking about it. At least for now. Once Finn got these thoughts in his head, nothing anyone could say would make him think otherwise. Only he could be the one to talk himself down from it.

_Rae probably could, too, but what do you do when the person who you want to help you the most is the one person you can't talk to about it. _

A few hours later, well after the music stopped and Finn had fallen into a restless sleep, Archie rolled off his bed and turned the record player off. He stood in the door of his friend's room and wondered how far he was going to let his stubbornness take him this time.

Finn woke with a raging headache equivalent to that of a hangover. He realized it must have been from crying because when he looked at himself in the mirror he noticed how bloodshot and puffy his eyes were. He quickly splashed his face with cold water, hoping that would do that trick. It was one thing for Archie to see him crying, he was his brother after all, but he knew that if Chop or Peter had even caught a whiff of him crying they'd do nothing but take the piss and he was just not in the mood.

Finn dried his face and pensively looked at his reflection. He never thought he was a bad looking guy, adequate at best, but it always confused him when girls would fawn over him as if he were a pop star. For as long as he could remember girls would do anything and everything to get him to notice them and it always made him feel uncomfortable and unworthy. Since his mom left, he almost felt like he didn't deserve to be loved by a woman.

That was until Stacy, of course. Finn's first girlfriend and who he thought (at the time) was the one true love of his life. Stacy was beautiful, everyone thought so. Her eyes could rival the sky on the most beautiful of summer days and the sun was no match for her golden hair. The first time they had sex Finn couldn't imagine anything feeling better. Then they had sex for the second time and he immediately retracted his first sentiment towards it because surely nothing could be better than that.

Stacy taught him many things in their year long relationship but perhaps the most important thing she taught him is what real love is and what they had was not real love. He wasn't even sure he ever really _liked _her. Sure she was nice enough and she was gorgeous, but they were two completely different people with completely different interests. It seemed they were only together because they felt like they were supposed to be together: the popular girl and the fittest lad. It made sense to everyone but them. Their sex was incredible but it was passionless. They never made love and if Finn was being honest with himself, he'd give up meaningless, mind-blowing sex in a heartbeat to have something that really mattered with someone he was really connected to.

When they finally called it quits, Finn wasn't heartbroken like he'd always imagined he'd be after his first break up. He wasn't even sad. He was more relieved than anything. They didn't love each other and even though they both said it, they knew it wasn't true. It'd been two years but he could still remember what she said as if it were yesterday. "Finn, you deserve someone that's worthy of the love you have to give, because you have the kindest heart of any person I've ever met. You deserve someone who appreciates the gentle and compassionate man that you are. Honestly, you deserve someone who is worlds better than me."

With Stacy, Finn quickly learned how to properly please and appreciate a woman. He fooled around with a few girls after Stacy left but none of them stuck. He wanted to believe her, that he was worthy of the kind of love she thought he could give, but the thought that he'd never be good enough always sat in the back of his mind. That was until Rae, of course.

_Archie was right, she's my best mate. Maybe she was just genuinely surprised her ex showed up. I'd probably shit a brick if Stacy just appeared out of nowhere. But, the main difference is that Rae at least knows about Stacy… I've never heard her mention Liam before. Do I honestly have any right to be this upset about it? She'll probably call me today and say it was all a big misunderstandin' and then bang on about somethin' – _

"Oi, Finn!" Peter banged on the bathroom door. "What the fuck are ya doin' in there? Please don't tell me you're havin' a wank, mate. You have a bedroom for that, ya know?"

Finn rolled his eyes in jest and opened the bathroom door. "You're ridiculous, ya know that?"

"Course, mate. Imagine how borin' this place would be if I weren't. We'd have to deal with Archie's incessant history ramblings and The Smiths at top volume." Peter winked as Finn slid by him, his sea foam green eyes sparkling in delight. "Y'alright, though? Last time you played The Smiths like that you received a letter from your mum."

Finn felt his heart drop slightly. He didn't realize Peter knew about that.

"Oh, yeah. I'm fine, thanks, mate. Just had a bit of a headache, really." He smiled weakly.

"Alright. Well if you ever need to talk, you know where I live." He pointed to his door and Finn nodded.

Finn first met Peter in their Child Development lecture and when he informed Finn that he was looking for three housemates, Finn elected himself and his two suitemates: Archie and Chop. Peter's father owns the house the boys live in and even though rent is cheap and there are virtually no rules, they still maintained a clean and well put together house. Finn couldn't have asked for better housemates. They trusted each other, they respected each other, and most importantly, they genuinely enjoyed spending time with each other.

Finn made his way downstairs and plopped on the couch in between Archie and Chop, rubbing his temples as he did so. He opened his eyes when he heard Jennifer Aniston's voice coming from the television.

"Oh, why are ya watchin' this shit? It's doin' my head in." Finn groaned.

"Sorry, mate. Izzy put it on before she left and we just haven't changed it yet." Chop apologized but made no movement to change the channel. He secretly loved the show as much as Izzy and Archie.

"Yeah. Besides, it's not _shit_, Finn." Archie added, rolling his eyes. "It's mint. And this episode is great. It's the one where Ross and Rachel are on a 'break' and he sleeps with the Xerox girl and Rachel finds out and Monica, Phoebe, Joey, and Chandler are locked in Monica's room while they have a never-ending row in the living room."

"Right." Finn sighed as he nestled into the couch. It's not that he hated Friends, he actually rather enjoyed the wit and found it incredibly clever, it's just that it reminded him of Rae.

His mind drifted back to just few days earlier when he was hammering on about something that annoyed him and she stopped him mid-sentence to tell him he was "such a Chandler."

"Such a what?" He asked confused.

"Chandler. Ya know, like from Friends?"

"Yeah, no, I got it. But how am I a Chandler?"

"Cause, like, could you _be _any more cynical? And ya kinda awkward sometimes." She smiled cheekily.

_God, I love that smile._

"Oi! Alright. If I'm Chandler, who are you, then?"

Rae mused over her options before she spoke. "I'd like to think I'm the perfect combination of the three of them. I'm hilarious like Phoebe, I'm a bit neurotic like Monica, and like Rachel…"

_Beautiful. You're beautiful like Rachel._

"Besides the name, obviously," she laughed. "I would say I'm strong-willed like Rachel."

Finn couldn't help but smile at her. "Fair enough. I still don't see how I'm like Chandler, though."

"'Ey, at least you're not a Ross like Archie is."

Finn loved when Rae made him full-body laugh. "He really is a Ross, isn't he?"

Finn tried hard to suppress a giggle as he sat next to Archie now. "See!" Archie exclaimed when he caught Finn's laugh. "Told you it was funny."

"You're right, mate. Sorry I ever doubted you." He smiled.

The boys sat in content silence as they finished the episode. Every few minutes, Finn's eyes would flash to the telephone hanging on the kitchen wall, willing it to ring and begging for it to be Rae on the other side. He knew he could call her, too, but he felt like the ball was in her court in a way.

_I made the move already. It's her turn now. _

On one of Finn's many telekinetic attempts to make the phone ring, Archie's eyes followed Finn's and gave him a small smile. Finn gave him a weak one back and averted his eyes to the tv. With every passing minute that the phone didn't ring, the more anxious Finn became. He didn't even care who was on the other end anymore, he just desperately needed it to ring. Two episodes of Friends came and went as Finn was about to throw in the towel and go for a run when the phone finally started ringing.

"I got it!" He shouted and he darted for the phone. "Hello?" He asked breathlessly.

"Well hello there, Finn." Peter's mother's delicate voice laced through the receiver. "How are you, my dear?"

"I'm fine, Mrs. Summerfield, thanks. How're you?"

"I'm just wonderful, darling. Thank you for asking. Is my son available for a quick chat?"

"He's upstairs. Lemme get him."

"Thank you, dear."

Finn placed his hand over the mouth of the phone and hollered upstairs for Peter. "Be right there!" Peter shouted back.

"He'll be right down, Mrs. Summerfield."

"Well thank you, Finn. Have a wonderful day, love."

"Thanks. You, too."

Finn placed the phone on the counter and went upstairs to change into gym shorts and trainers. Being trapped inside with his thoughts was slowly starting to eat him alive and he needed fresh air. He stopped halfway up the stairs to ask Archie if he wanted to go for a run with him but he had plans to meet Barney for lunch.

Finn stepped onto their front stoop and inhaled deeply. It was the perfect temperature to run for miles and not sweat to death, but there was a biting chill to the air and he knew his lungs were going to ache for a bit later. He bent at the waist and touched his fingers to his toes, feeling a tight pull at his hamstrings. He breathed deeper and stretched farther, trying to get as much oxygen into his bloodstream as he could. He stood up and pulled each arm across his chest, jumping as he did so to get his heart beating. When he felt supple enough, he set off, letting his feet guide his way.

He always loved the freedom of running. He could go wherever he wanted, whenever he wanted and at his own speed. He never had an end in mind, he always let his feet dictate his path and his body would tell him when he was done. When he was young and angry, Ms. Pam suggested outlets to control his aggression. He loved football, but it never helped relieve his aggression because he didn't get to hit anything. He boxed for a bit when he hit puberty but when he was 14 he almost lost an eye in a fight and his father begged him not to do it anymore. Though it wasn't the same as using his fists, running quickly became the greatest high he'd ever experience. He could have a thousand and one different things on his mind, but when he ran his mind was a completely blank canvas. He could only concentrate on the rhythm of his breathing and the sound of his feet hitting the pavement.

He was just rounding the corner off Beverly Road on to Main Street when he saw them. It was only their backs but he could recognize that flow of raven hair anywhere. It was what his dreams were consumed of.

_Rae. _

He quickened his pace to catch up to their retreating figures, hoping for a chance to speak to her about the night before. When he finally got close enough to make his presence known, he felt his heart stop.

"But you do like him, right?" Izzy eagerly asked.

"Are you mad? No!" Rae laughed. "Ew. No. I could never even think of that. He's so not fit, Iz. I don't understand why everyone thinks so."

Finn inhaled sharply. It felt like someone much bigger than he punched him in the gut and took a baseball bat to his knees at the same time.

_No. No. No. She's laughin'… She's actually laughin' about me. _

Finn couldn't stomach what the rest of their conversation was going to consist of his. He quickly withdrew to The Chippy and emptied the contents of his belly in the men's toilets. He ran the cold water and stuck his head under the faucet, letting it flow across his neck. Finn wanted to punch a hole into every piece of the tiled bathroom he could but he was also not looking for a trip to the hospital or the police station tonight. His breath was coming out ragged and painful. The world started spinning around him as he gripped the base of the sink tightly.

_Deep breaths, Finn. Deep breaths. Calm down. _

**Knock. Knock.**

"Just a minute." Finn answered breathlessly.

_You can do this, Finn. You can calm down. You have got to calm down._

He took one final calming breath and looked at himself in the mirror. "You can do this." He said in affirmation. He opened the door to a young, shaggy headed boy with crystal blue eyes and a mess of freckles littering his face.

"Y'alright, man?" The boy asked, taking in Finn's disheveled appearance.

"Just needed to cool down. Got a bit overheated on my run." He forced a laugh.

"It's 10 degrees outside?"

"Right." Finn gave a small nod and moved past the boy.

When he got outside The Chippy he took another deep breath and could already feel a pain in his esophagus and he wasn't entirely sure if it was from his run, his vomit, or his heartbreak. He tried to run again but his legs betrayed him. Not ready to go home, he dug in the pocket of his gym shorts and found a 10 pound note. He thought about going to see a movie but he decided the best place to spend that money was Lynch's.

Finn placed himself at the bar and asked the man behind it for a whiskey neat. He didn't want to sit and nurse a beer and make small talk with the other patrons, he wanted to feel numb. When the bartender came back with his drink, he downed it in one gulp and asked for another.

"Rough day, kid?" The bartender asked, a husky Scottish accent ringing through the pub.

"You have no idea." He answered as he let the sweet auburn liquor burn his already aching throat. "What's this, mate?" He asked lifting the empty glass. "Don't think I've had it before."

"Ah, it's called Maker's Mark." He responded, lifting the bottle off the back shelf to show it to Finn. "It's an American whisky, just became available here in the past few years. Smooth, innit?"

"Yeah. Can I have another so I can actually enjoy it? I'm Finn by the way."

"Bill." He smiled, pouring Finn another drink. "This one's on me, Finn."

"Oh, you don't have to do that, mate. I have the money."

"I know ya do, but I wouldn't be a good barkeep if I didn't buy a poor brokenhearted lad a drink, eh."

"That obvious, huh?" Finn sighed.

"As a bartender it's me job to notice these things. That and to pour drinks." He added as he poured another pint for the old man swaying on his stool at the far end of the bar. "So what'd she do? Sleep with your best mate?"

"My best mate is gay. It'd be weird all around if she did that. Nah, she just didn't love me like I loved her."

"I'm sorry to hear that, Finn."

"Eh, it happens." Finn answered as he felt the whiskey warm his body.

Bill was about to ask another question when a girl Finn recognized from university made her way over to him. She was pretty in the predictable way: blonde hair over blue eyes. A small waist with nothing to hold onto and a sour looking smile that was so forced Finn almost choked on his drink trying not to laugh.

"You're Finn Nelson, right?" A syrupy sweet voice weaved its way into Finn's ear.

"That's me." Finn answered, not taking his eyes off the glass in front of him. He'd never been one to enjoy small talk. Especially not when it was blatantly obvious this girl wanted more from him than to know his name.

He could feel her shuffle impatiently next to him. "So, I was just wonderin', I've seen you eat lunch with that girl in the union –" Finn looked up from his glass and turned his body towards her so swiftly she had to take a step back.

_No. We are not havin' this conversation. _

"Ya know," she continued brazenly. "The _big one._" She whispered and made a motion to display Rae's size.

_She has a name, ya know?_

"Rae. Her name is Rae." Finn answered through gritted teeth.

"Right, Rae. Well, I was wonderin', she's not your girlfriend, right?" She laughed as if it preposterous she even had to ask.

"No, she made it very clear that she is _not_ my girlfriend."

"Well, her loss and my gain then." She sneered, running her hand up his back.

_You have got to be fuckin' kiddin' me?_

Finn stood from his stool and threw his note on the bar. "Thanks, Bill." Finn nodded as he downed his drink in one gulp and left without another glance back. He could hear Bill chuckling behind him and could only imagine the look on the girl's face.

Finn felt a bit dizzy as he walked home. He knew he shouldn't have stood from the chair as quickly as he did and he also knew he shouldn't have downed three whiskey neat's with nothing in his stomach, but desperate times and all that. The house was dark when he walked in and he was grateful for it because he didn't really feel like talking to anyone. He showered as quickly as he could in case someone came home and ruined his solitude. He put his favorite mix tape in his WalkMan and curled into the pillow that still smelled like Rae.

He didn't fall asleep. In fact, he's sure he didn't sleep more than thirty minutes all night. He faked slumber around 10 o'clock when he saw the light from the hall ooze into his room as someone, presumably Archie, peeked their head in to see if he was there. When the door closed, he rolled over onto his back and stared at his ceiling for the next two hours.

_I thought love was supposed to be easy. Everyone always says it's worth the fight, but what if you're in the fight alone? No one tells you what to do then. "Be honest," they say. Yeah, well look where the fuck my honesty got me. How am I goin' to face her tomorrow at lunch, knowin' she doesn't feel the same? Knowin' she laughed at me? She was bound to tell Chloe and Izzy about what happened, that must've been why Izzy was askin' if she liked me. And she just laughed. Nope, that's it. I can't see her tomorrow. The embarrassment will be too much. I'll see if Peter wants to study for our test that I'm inevitably goin' to fail. _

The next morning Finn knocked on Peter's door and asked if he wanted to study together over their lunch break.

"Oh, yeah, mate. I'm so not ready for this exam. Will Rae be terribly upset?"

_She probably won't even notice._

"Nah, mate. She'll be grand." He swallowed the rising lump in his throat.

"Library at noon, then?" Peter asked as he threw his bag over his shoulder.

"Noon." Finn agreed.

His Adolescent Development lecture was one of his favorites but today he couldn't focus on anything. Nothing was making sense, he stifled countless yawns and the second hand of the clock was deafening. When it was finally time to leave, he threw on his red flannel jacket and made his way towards the library.

_I really miss my leather jacket. I wonder how I'll get it back from her. Probably in pieces. _

Finn wasn't paying attention to where he was going and found his feet were leading him to the union.

_Nope. Not goin' there_

He quickly redirected his route to the library and found Peter in one of the study rooms on the second floor. Studying with Peter was the perfect distraction he needed. For as much of a jokester as he was, he was actually quite studious. His father was a big time investment banker in London and his mother was a well-respected attorney, so having a solid education was a necessity in the Summerfield house.

Knowing it would only take about five minutes to walk to class Finn hung out in the library until 1:25 for fear of running into Rae outside their classes and being further humiliated. When he turned the corner around building 10, his heart fell into his stomach when he saw a tall figure with raven hair standing outside the building, craning her neck looking for him.

_Shit. _

"Oh, hey, Rae." He could feel her eyes boring into his soul but it was too much for him to meet them. If he even dared to meet her eyes, he would have been torn apart at the seams.

"Hey!" She exclaimed, a bit too eager. "I was worried about you. Why weren't you at lunch?"

"Oh, yeah. Sorry about that. I forgot I had plans to meet Peter for lunch to study." He lied.

"Oh, okay. Thought maybe something had happened to you." She laughed. It wasn't the same laugh that Finn had fallen in love with. It was the same laugh he heard yesterday and it made his teeth ache.

"Nope. Just lunch with Peter."

"Look, Finn-" He noticed her hands were shaking but he wasn't ready to hear what she had to say.

_Not before a test. I'm already at a breakin' point, I don't need to hear that she doesn't want to be friends anymore. I just need to get away. _

"I gotta get to my test. I'll see ya laters." He finally looked at her face and saw that it was a bit puffy, almost like she'd been crying herself.

Finn's exam went exactly how he expected it would: horribly.

10) Which of these examples could best be described as cognitive dissonance?  
A) Rae laughing at how unfit and annoying Finn is.  
B) Rae and her twat of an ex-boyfriend laughing at Finn's confession of love.  
C) Rae telling Finn she doesn't think they should be friends anymore.  
D) All the above.

_D. Definitely D. _

The rest of the day carried on in much of the same manner. He knew it would be hard to see her but he didn't really think about what it actually meant. He used to spend his days obsessing over the way she'd tuck her hair behind her ear when it fell in her face or the way her nose scrunched into a laugh. He used to revel at the fact that he could make her laugh like that. But now all he could think about was her laughing at him and it made him queasy.

Monday night typically meant football club for the boys in the house on Merle Hill, but tonight Finn wanted to do anything but. He felt weak and exhausted. Climbing up the stairs to his bedroom was a chore and when he made it to the top, glistening with sweat, Chop was concerned.

"Y'alright, Finn? You look… Pale."

"Yeah, mate. I think I'm coming down with somethin'." He lied. He wasn't becoming ill, he was heartsick. As much as he respected Chop and valued his friendship, he wasn't willing to share this with him. "I didn't sleep a lick last night, so I should probably stay home."

_Nicely done, Finn. _

Chop started inching away from Finn, hoping to not catch whatever it was he had. "Alright, mate. Well, get some rest. Gotta be ready for Saturday, we need you."

"Right. I just need to sleep." Chop nodded as he slowly backed into his room, closing the door abruptly, causing Finn to chuckle as he made his way into his own.

Finn knew all he needed to do was sleep. Since Saturday he'd only managed about five hours cumulatively. It wasn't just that his mind was poisoned with thoughts of Rae, every aspect of his life was, too. Music was no longer an escape because it would remind him of a conversation they had. His body was too run down and exhausted to play football or go for a run. Not to mention, his bed, his sanctuary, was filled with the scent of her shampoo and every time he breathed in, he breathed her in. He knew he should wash it, so he could at least try to sleep, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. As much as he hated having every part of his life consumed with her, he wasn't ready to let it go. If he did, then it would truly mean she wasn't his.

It took Finn a while to fall to sleep, but when he did, he got a glorious five hours of uninterrupted slumber. Come Tuesday morning, he felt a thousand times better than he had the previous two days. But still not well enough to face Rae, meaning he spent their usual lunch date hidden away in the library listening to The Smiths on his DiscMan. He went to class early and stayed late to avoid running into her outside the building. When he came home from class he'd run up to his room and pretend to sleep, letting everyone believe he was still recovering from being sick.

The only one who really knew what was going on with Finn was Archie and he was getting tired of his friend's moody behavior and, above all, his lying. The two were driving to football practice on Wednesday when the silence was becoming too much for Archie to handle.

"What the fuck is goin' on, Finn?" He asked not taking his eyes off the road.

"What're ya talkin' about, Arch?" He sighed resignedly knowing exactly what Archie meant.

"Why're still actin' like someone kicked your puppy? Haven't you talked to Rae?"

"Uh." Finn shifted awkwardly in his seat.

"What?" Archie's crystal eyes were set ablaze when they flashed towards Finn. The last time Finn saw this fire in his best mate's eyes was when Simmy, the college bully, crossed one too many lines and Archie beat the ever loving shit out of him. Finn had never been more proud of Archie in that moment but the fact that the same fire was now directed towards him made him uneasy.

"I, uh, I haven't talked to her yet." He shrugged.

"Why the fuck not? Have you just been starin' at each other durin' lunch, then?"

"I haven't been eatin' lunch with her."

"Why?"

"It's too embarrassin', Arch. I know she wants nothin' to do with me and I just don't want it to be confirmed."

"So you think avoidin' her is the best option? You don't think this is hard for her, too? How do you know she's not feelin' the exact same way as you, Finn? How do you know she's not takin' you avoidin' her as means to say you're the one who doesn't want to be friends? You do realize you're actin' like a total prat, right?"

"Oh, get off your high horse, Arch. She hasn't tried to talk to me either." Finn was growing defensive and taking it out on Archie, who didn't deserve it in the least. "And for the record, I went to the union today to see if she was there and she wasn't. So you have no idea what you're fuckin' talkin' about."

"Right, well, at least I'm not the one who's about to throw a truly wonderful and rare friendship over a bit of miscommunication." Archie huffed out in anger. The two rode the rest of the way in an uncomfortable silence, both too stubborn to speak first. Finn felt instantly guilty for the way he spoke to Archie. He knew Archie was trying to help but once Finn set his mind on something, nothing anyone could say would change it. They arrived to the pitch and Finn couldn't keep it in any longer. He finally let out his biggest fear to his best mate.

"Where did I go wrong? What did I do? What is so wholly unlovable about me?" Finn caught a tear before Archie could see. "Why does no one love me?"

Archie put the car in park and turned to his best friend. "Finn. You know that's not true. Everyone loves you. You're brilliant, you're funny, you're charmin'. You're a great friend, even when you're bein' a stubborn knobhead." He beamed at his friend. "I don't know what's goin' on with Rae, but the only way you can know for sure is to talk to her. You can't avoid her forever, Finn."

Finn caught another tear before it fell. "I just never expected it to be this hard. I actually don't think I ever thought about what not havin' her in my life meant."

"No one does, but the hard is what makes it great. And you still have her, Finn. You're just lost and you need to find your way back to her. Yeah?"

"Yeah." Finn agreed weakly.

_But how?_

Finn never really thought it was _over. _He and Rae had a connection, real and deep at that. Archie was right. They were just lost from each other at the moment. They'd find their way back soon enough. So when Rae wasn't in the union on Wednesday, he thought maybe he had just missed her. But when she wasn't there at their usual time on Thursday or Friday, it was the first time he truly thought it was over.

The boys were getting ready to meet the rest of their football team for a drink at Lynch's when Finn opted out. "You know, I'm still not feelin' 100 percent, so I think I'll just stay home and get some rest. Need to be ready for tomorrow." He smiled to them.

"That you do, Finny boy!" Chop said clamping his hand hard on Finn's shoulder.

Peter and Chop made their way down stairs while Archie stayed back to talk to Finn. "You sure you don't wanna come, mate? Maybe a night out will do you some good. I feel like you've been cooped up in here for days."

"I'm fine. Really, Arch. I am. I just want to relax tonight, honestly."

"Alright. Well, if you change your mind you know where we'll be." Archie gave his friend a confident smile before he followed Chop and Peter down stairs.

He heard the front door close and decided the one person who could always make him feel better was just a phone call away.

"'Ello?" His father's cheery voice rang through the hand held.

"Hiya, pop." Finn sighed into the receiver.

"Oh my boy!" He could just imagine his father in their small kitchen, leaning against the counter with a giant smile spread across his face. It made his heart ache to imagine him all alone in their silent house. He was sure music filled it, much like it did when he was growing up, but without Finn there, his father didn't really have anyone to talk to in the morning or over supper. His father, much like Finn, was a handsome man. He had emerald green eyes that would put an actual emerald to shame, a flawless, bronzed complexion, and always perfectly tousled jet black hair. He dated sporadically over the course of Finn's life, but no one ever stayed long enough to make an impact. He knew that his father was silently praying for the day his mother would return and admit she made a terrible mistake.

"How are ya?" Finn asked his dad.

"I'm just fine, Finn. Just fine. How're ya doin'? How was that party you and the boys were throwin' for your friend?"

"It was fun, I think she was surprised but one can never be too sure with Chloe."

His father laughed. "Ah, right. And how's the girl? Did ya tell her how ya feel yet?" He told his father last week that he was hoping to tell Rae how he felt soon.

"That's actually why I was callin'. Uh, pop, how do you get over someone?" He swallowed down the lump in his throat.

"Oh, Finn. What happened?" His father's voice grew soft.

"I, uh, I told her how I felt last Saturday and she, uh, she doesn't feel the same."

"Oh, Finn. I am so sorry, love." Even as a grown adult male, he still liked the fact that his father called him "love" as a way to soothe his wounds. "What did she say, then?"

"Well, that's the thing. She didn't really say anything. Her ex-boyfriend showed up just as I was tellin' her and she said I wasn't her boyfriend."

"So she didn't actually say that she didn't care about you?"

"No. But it was the lack of sayin' anythin' that proved she doesn't." His father was silent on the other end. "Dad? Ya still there?"

"I'm still here. I'm just listenin'. Have you tried to talk to her since?"

"No. I, uh, I was kinda avoidin' her for a while because it hurt too much and now I think I've ruined it forever. What if –"

"Nothin' is every ruined forever, Finn. Take it from me. Don't spend your life thinkin' 'what if.' 'If I had done this.' 'If I had said that.' It will eat you alive for years and years. 'If' is the shortest word with the longest meaning. It may hurt to know the truth, but at least you'll know and you won't have to spend the rest of your life thinking, 'what if.'"

"Is that what you're doin' with mum?" He regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. He made a mental promise to himself that he would never bring up his mother to his father.

"Not any more. I had my closure with your mother a long time ago, Finn."

"What? When?" Finn felt his mouth drop open. He had no idea his father ever confronted his mother about her leaving.

"Do you remember, I think you must've been about 8, when you went to spend the week with nan?"

"Yeah?"

"Well I went to America to talk to your mother."

"You what?! How are you just now tellin' me this, pop?" Finn was both proud and angry with his father. He was proud of him for standing up for himself and angry for keeping it from him for so long.

"You were so angry with her, Finn. If I had told you at any other time, you would have just brushed it off without hearin' me out. And I don't blame you, son. You have every right to be angry with your mother, but you shouldn't be. Anger is a heavy burden to bear."

"So why are you tellin' me now?"

"You're a man now, Finn. You understand the ups and downs of love, the give and the take. That it can be the most exhilaratin' ride of your life, with the most dangerous consequences. But you know, no matter the obstacles, no matter the pain, the good far outweighs the bad. You wanna know how you get over someone, Finn? You talk to them, you be brave. You don't hide behind a bunch of 'what ifs.'"

_How is that Archie has basically been tellin' me this exact same thing for a week but I'm just now listenin' to it. You can't hide anymore, Finn. Life is hard, it will always be hard. It's what you do when the goin' gets tough that shows the kind of man you are. _

"You're right, pop. I've been too scared to talk to her because of my embarrassment. That's not what a man does. That's what a prat does."

"You're a good person, Finn. And anyone who is lucky enough to know you, is lucky enough."

"Thanks, dad. I love ya."

"I love you, too, son."

When they hung up, Finn fell onto his bed and had the best night's sleep he had all week. He was finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Finn and Archie were passing the football back on forth on Saturday morning when Chloe's car pulled up.

_All right, Finny boy. This is your chance to lay everything on the line and know once and for all where you stand. Wait… Where's Rae?_

Finn jogged over to where the girls were standing with Chop and Peter when he caught wind of what Chloe was saying. "Yeah, I dropped her at the train this mornin'. She'll be back tomorrow night."

"Hiya. Uh, where's Rae?" Finn's voice came out an octave higher than usual.

"Like you fuckin' care, ya prick." Chloe spat as Izzy's face turned the color of her hair.

"Oi! That was uncalled for, Chlo. What's goin' on?" Chop asked looking between the three of them.

"Ask him." Chloe snarled in the direction of Finn. "He's only bloody ignored Rae all week and here he comes actin' like nothin' happened."

"Why were ya ignorin' Rae, mate?" Peter questioned. "I thought you two were best mates."

"I–" Finn tried to say but Chloe but in.

"'Were' bein' the operative word. Her complete wanker of an ex-boyfriend, who made her life miserable by the way, showed up last week on the anniversary of best friend's death and Finn thought it would be the best time to completely forget all about her. Didn't ya, Finn?"

"What? That's a low blow, Finn. Why'd ya do that?" Chop asked growing a bit protective of Rae.

"Her best friend died?" Finn felt sick to his stomach.

_How come she never told me?_

"Oh, like you didn't know." Chloe shot back.

"Chloe, I swear. I had no idea. She never told me…" Finn trailed off, feeling his heart break at the thought that Rae didn't trust him enough to know this information.

"Right. So she never told you about Tixy or Liam?" Chloe asked, disbelief written all over her face. "She tells you everythin'."

"I promise you, the first time I ever heard her utter the name Liam was last week when the twat showed up. And the first I've ever heard about a Tixy was about 15 seconds ago." Finn's mocha eyes were pleading with Chloe's sea form green to believe him.

"You really didn't know?"

"I really didn't know." Finn responded, raising his hands as if to prove he wasn't hiding anything.

"So then you really didn't know she's hopelessly in love with you." Izzy squeaked.

"She… She what?" Finn felt his heart swell to burst.

_She loves me. She actually loves me!_

"Oi! She's in love with ya, ya half-wit. I swear you can be so daft sometimes." Chloe smiled at him for the first time since they arrived. "Now, you go to bloody Stamford right this second or I swear, Finn Nelson, I will kick you so hard in the testicles that you'll wish you were dead." Chop and Peter instinctively covered their own junk and grimaced at the mere thought of something like that happening.

"Right!" Finn clapped his hands in merriment. "Oi! Archer!"

"Yeah?" Archie hollered as he came running over.

"I need to borrow your car, mate."

"What for? Where's Rae?" Archie asked, realizing she wasn't there.

"Exactly. I'm goin' to get my girl, mate." He beamed at his friend.

"It's about bloody time!" Archie exclaimed as he rifled through his bag for his keys.

"Thanks, mate! How much time do I got, Chlo?" He asked turning back to Chloe.

"Her train arrives in Peterborough at 1:30 and then it's about another 30 minutes to get to Stamford. So if you leave now, you should make it about when she does. And, lucky for you, I have directions in case she wanted me to drive her." Chloe turned back to her car to get the directions.

"Is this why you've been actin' funny all week, mate?" Chop asked Finn. "Cause of Rae?"

"Uh, ahem, yeah. Sorry I lied to you, guys. I just, uh, I didn't really want to talk about it." Finn offered feebly.

"That's fine." Peter interjected. "We understand. Just, uh, know that you can talk to us about this kind of thing, mate."

"Thanks." Finn smiled at his friends as Chloe came back with the directions.

"So, these are directions to her house." She handed him a piece of paper, pointing to the top list of instructions. "And these are directions to the cemetery. My best guess would be to try there first, honestly."

"Thanks, Chlo. For everythin'." Finn grinned down to her.

"Hey, I love her and she loves you." She smiled back to him.

"Right, well, here goes nothin'!" He cried as he jogged to Archie's car, an array of "good lucks" shouted at his back.

_She loves me. I love her. We love each other. We're goin' to make this work. For once in my life, I'm finally gettin' what I want. And the best part is, she wants me, too. _

Finn drove the whole way to Stamford, his boots still on his feet, singing every song on the radio no matter how shitty it was. He was happier than he ever remembered being. Nothing could touch him. Not even the thought of how awkward their first conversation was going to be. Rae was the sun on his face on a warm summer day. She was the soft breeze that circled him as leaves danced around him. She was the song in his head. She was the beating heart in his chest. She lived in his soul and there she would forever stay. She was his everything and he knew should always be.


End file.
